Sunday, August 7

day ?????: reality

It's been a while and forgive me if I no longer pour out my heart and soul. Things have changed (slightly) and the less people know about the private me, the better. I think

I struggle with my new life. I found my passion a few years back and I did my darnest to make something out of it. And so I did to an extent. My new found "fame" (if you will) hasn't really done me a heck of a lot. There isn't the flooded inbox of requests or the inpouring of phone calls. I still work at monkeyco. I still haven't found the cajones to walk out and go out on my own.

What I struggle with, isn't so much that I'm not drowning in new business. Its more that I struggle with not telling people about what I do and I can't actively promote what I do without sounding like a complete undedicated traitor. Its like a split personality - a Jekyll and Hyde situation. One can't talk about the other, and part of my life can't really know about the other. I've spent so many years of my life living on the sidelines, it's hard to push myself and promote myself like so many others do. I've tried to fb, twitter and the like, but it all feels fake. I feel like a fraud pretending to be someone else.

Thursday, January 27

day 12476: screwed up...

damn. sads. bad at this. but now i know what not to do next time.

Sunday, January 23

day 12472: how?

It took me years to figure out what I truly want out of my life. And now that I finally know, regardless of how much I try to make it happen and how badly I want it, it's still up to the gods of fate to grant me the wish of a lifetime. Wanting something badly is not enough when you have no way to make it a reality.

Thursday, January 6

day 12455: on dating

I'm old. They're old. We're all too old to play games.

I hate games.

I hate uncertainty.