Tuesday, April 20

Day 10000: Sing it like it is, Frankie...

Regrets, I've had a few
But then again, too few to mention
I did what I had to do
And saw it through without exemption

Yes, there were times, I'm sure you knew
When I bit off more than I could chew
But through it all, when there was doubt
I ate it up and spit it out
I faced it all and I stood tall
And did it my way ~ Sinatra

I try to live each day without regrets... go to bed each night thinking "yes, today was a good day." Know that I've done everything I can for my present and my future and eventually one day, everything is going to click in place and I'll have a fabulously, wonderful life. Not that I don't already. I love being me. Sure, there are the days where I'm literally on my hands and knees begging Triscuit or KC to run me over with a car, but at the end of it all, I'm living the good life.

If given a chance to use the magic rewind button, and the ability to relive certain aspects of my life, I'm not sure that I would use it. Every experience, every person has shaped me and helped me develop into who I am today. Even something as seemingly insignificant as spending hours watching the hordes of ants at my complex to someone stopping to hold the elevator for me has an impact. I may not know what it is today, but somewhere, somehow down the line, I'll figure it out.

On the flip side, if I had a window into the future and I could see how my life would unfold before me, I wouldn't even want to look. Yes, it would be cool to know who I will marry, how many kids I have and if the LEAFS will ever win the Stanley Cup (GO LEAFS GO!!!). But really, that's not the point. The suspense and excitement of living drives me. If I knew exactly what was going to happen tomorrow, and that it was going to be a rainy dreary day and the government was raising taxes, that I was going to be evicted and they'd stop making grape bubblegum, what would be my motivation to get out of bed.

People wonder what the meaning of life is. They wonder whether there is a bigger purpose to their life; if they should strive to make a place for themselves in the history books so that they'll never be forgotten by society. They wonder if this is all there is day-in, day-out. Yes, things can be day-in, day-out. Work is day-in, day-out, but there's more to life than just that. I may not live to see my 20000th day. I really doubt that I'd live my 30000th day. But even if I die today, I'll know that I've made my impact. My impact is in the people I meet, the things I do - that is the purpose of my life. I will never make the history books. I've already had my 15 minutes of Just-Like-Mom fame That's not what I'm here for. Instead, I chose to live my life in a way that makes me happy and base my decisions on things I will never regret. Impact every person that I meet, and impress on them some part of me that will help them develop into who they will become. Hopefully, for the better, but if not, well, there's nothing I can do about that. And perhaps one day, someone will say... "I'm where I am today because of something J said..." That would be cool, but that's not necessary either.

Day 10000 - a day of retrospection. There's nothing that I regret doing. Things I might contemplate changing, maybe, but then I wouldn't be the me I am today... I like most of the things I've done. One interviewer asked me what is the one thing that I've done whether personal or career related that I'm most proud of. And I couldn't think of a single one thing. Everything I've done has contributed to who I am. Am I proud of who I've become... can't say that. Am I disappointed in any way... can't say that either. I've made some good decisions, I've made some bad decisions... but at the end of the day, I've done it my way, and there's nothing better than that.

You tell 'em Frankie...

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