Wednesday, February 28

day 11042: so goes the chain of pain

It started out innocently.

Damn it, wait… why do all my stories start out innocently?

It started out almost innocently. We talked a lot about work. We talked a bit about ourselves. We talked about parties, and invited each other to our respective cities, knowing full well that neither one of us would actually accept the other’s invitation. He tried to talk me into hopping onto a plane just for a concert, I tried to talk him into coming to Toronto for a whole lot more than just a concert… dinner and a movie… turducken... Christmas... New Years... the list goes on.

We joked, we laughed, but we never made it beyond a mere flirtation… that is the thing about crushes. Crushes remain unrequited. Chains of pain someone calls it. Someone has a crush on you, but you have a crush on someone else who has a crush on somebody else… hence the chain of pain.

I wrote him off. Once. Twice. Thrice. A million times and more. He's not that into me. I’ve indulged in other flirtations, had other interests; ogled a hundred other men almost as worthy as he. Damn it, he always pulled me back, and all it took was a quick “Hi.”

So goes my chain of pain. Karma is a bitch.

In just over two weeks, I’ll be in his city. For work. He has no idea, and if he does, he hasn’t yet let on. I’m trying to keep my visit under wraps. I don’t like playing games, but part of me is thinking not playing at all is a whole lot better than losing.

Tuesday, February 27

day 11041: living like a rock star

“I need to ask you some questions about your latest charges.”

Um. Ok…

“ February 24th… Bier Market $24.50, February 24th… Phoenix $16.50, February 24th again… HoSu $46.75, February 22nd …This is London $23, February 21st… Irish Embassy $16.50, February 21st… Irish Embassy again $43.50, February 20th… Fran’s $21.50, February 20th again… Fran’s again $5.75, February 17th… Irish Embassy again…”

Hm… no wonder they recognize me at the Irish Embassy…

My Visa card was rejected yesterday when I tried to make reservations for the Schmassion family vacation. According to “Dan, Customer Service Representative”, it was out of character with my usual spending habits, and the Big Bank was a little concerned about identity fraud.

Unfortunately, from what I gather, my latest spending habit involves a lot of food and a lot of alcohol, most of which I don’t remember purchasing. I’ve been trying to put together some semblance of a life over the past few weeks. I think I might have gone and overdone things.

Just a bit.

On a brighter note though, I’ve also made it to the climbing gym more times over the past two and a half weeks than I have over the past five months. Now, all I have to do is find a balance.

Sunday, February 25

day 11039: need. a. safety. word.


So frickin traumatized.

I went for my first Chinese massage (that I can remember). She didn't speak English... or Cantonese. My Mandarin is limited to counting to ten and saying "I don't have any money, but I have a cousin."

She chomped on hard candies the entire time she was working on my poor achy back.

She was fast, she was efficient. At one point, she got up ONTO THE TABLE AND SAT ON MY LEGS to work on my poor achy back.

At the end, she slapped me. Hard. On my poor achy back. Many, many times. Maybe to improve circulation, I don't know... but it really, really hurt.

And now I'm really, really traumatized.

Thursday, February 22

day 11036: missed connection

To the guy having drinks with his coworkers last night at the Embassy, I saw you again having lunch outside the T Spot today.

I'm the asian girl that did the double take.

Perhaps it is meant to be… drinks?

Monday, February 19

day 11033: lest you desert this blog in search of something with a little more excitement

My mom's boyfriend's dog wouldn't stop humping my leg this weekend. That's as much action as I've gotten in the past few months.

I really do wish I had more exciting things to talk about.

Sunday, February 18

day 11032: i've got high hopes for the year of the ox

This morning, in keeping with the spirit of Chinese New Year, I had a serious asian moment. As you can see, I went a good three feet onto the lawn.

Here's wishing everyone a great year of prosperity and good fortune... and if you're a dragon just like me, here's wishing that you can win the lottery and buy yourself a pool boy...

Kung hei fat choy!!

Friday, February 16

day 11030: shellshocked

My mother linedances to Eminem.

Thursday, February 15

Burns, burns, burns... the ring of fire

Dear Mr. Cash,

Tell me I didn't just have a conversation in the bar about how much your ring of fire song reminds me of burritos.

It turned out to be an awesome night. Thnaks

Tuesday, February 13

day 11027: randomness from the past month of madness

“Honey, when we come up to talk to you in the bar, we’re not looking to be your friend.”


“It’s like breaking up with your girlfriend and keeping her around to screw her on the side.”


“It’s not fair that married people with children get preferential treatment. Why am I working the overtime for ten, when everyone takes off at 4:30?... Monday morning, I’m walking into the office and announcing that I got married on the weekend. And while I’m at it, I inherited a dozen kids as well. And a cat. I hate cats.”


“I have NO idea where I want to be in two years. I’m thirty, and I live at home with my mother. The only place I know I don’t want to be is there… and here…”


“I don’t eat my cupcakes. I know what I put them. That stuff will kill you.”


“I’m a dragon, you could ride me… oh wait, that doesn’t sound too good.”


“I got married on Sunday. I met the guy on Saturday. His wife died on Tuesday.”


“You know that book, He’s Just Not Into You?? Well, I’m just not into him.”


"Everything tastes better when it's smothered in cheese and drowned in gravy."

Monday, February 12

day 11026: yellow fever

One of the great things about being asian is that I still get carded trying to order a beer with dinner.

One of the not so great things about being asian is that I still get carded trying to order wine when I'm dining with coworkers.

Thursday, February 8

day 11022: confused and out of sorts


bossman: So when do you have time to bake cupcakes?

schmassion: When I'm contemplating quitting my job... haha...

bossman: Well, if you quit, I guess you wouldn't be getting a package...

...moral of the story... some things you really shouldn't joke about...

ps. my cupcake is famous!

Wednesday, February 7

day 11021: looking for a glimmer of a silver lining

maternal one: It's almost the year of the pig. For dragons, it's the year for love and money. So you'll have lots of love and lots of money!

schmassion: Finally!!! This is the year I win the lottery and buy myself a pool boy!!

Tuesday, February 6

day 11020: not a happy camper

Is it human nature that when you're trying to tell someone how much your life sucks, they tell you how much worse their's is? Because now, not only am I trying to figure out what would happen if I quit the monkeyco without finding another job first, I'm also worrying about the day that the maternal one stops receiving a full pension... in about 5 years.

Friday, February 2

day 11016: friday night freakout

The only redeeming factor about having to work late on a Friday night, and having to cancel all your Friday night plans is when your coworker walks into your cube and hands you a mojito.

On another positive note, at least I had a legitimate reason to miss tonight's little freakshow... although now I look like I'm chickenshit.