day 11042: so goes the chain of pain
It started out innocently.
Damn it, wait… why do all my stories start out innocently?
It started out almost innocently. We talked a lot about work. We talked a bit about ourselves. We talked about parties, and invited each other to our respective cities, knowing full well that neither one of us would actually accept the other’s invitation. He tried to talk me into hopping onto a plane just for a concert, I tried to talk him into coming to Toronto for a whole lot more than just a concert… dinner and a movie… turducken... Christmas... New Years... the list goes on.
We joked, we laughed, but we never made it beyond a mere flirtation… that is the thing about crushes. Crushes remain unrequited. Chains of pain someone calls it. Someone has a crush on you, but you have a crush on someone else who has a crush on somebody else… hence the chain of pain.
I wrote him off. Once. Twice. Thrice. A million times and more. He's not that into me. I’ve indulged in other flirtations, had other interests; ogled a hundred other men almost as worthy as he. Damn it, he always pulled me back, and all it took was a quick “Hi.”
So goes my chain of pain. Karma is a bitch.
In just over two weeks, I’ll be in his city. For work. He has no idea, and if he does, he hasn’t yet let on. I’m trying to keep my visit under wraps. I don’t like playing games, but part of me is thinking not playing at all is a whole lot better than losing.