Tuesday, October 31

day 10923: happy halloween from teh lush...

"I'm not a lush... oh wait... yesh I am."

I love Halloween. Ever since the first time I dressed up in a Chinese meen lap with a set of Mickey Mouse ears plopped on my head and two spots of lipstick drawn onto my cheeks, Halloween has been magical.

I love the excitement, anticipation and even the little bags of Humpty Dumpty gas-flavoured potatoe chips they handed out when I was in grade two. I love all of it. Even the little rocket candies that I hate so much.

My kids are going to love Halloween as well. And they're going to have wicked costumes... not clown outfits that they wear year after year just to score free candy (although that was really cool the first time around).

Things that I've been:

... Chinese Mickey Mouse...
... farm hick with a Big Bird sweatshirt...
... clown... I wanted to be a princess...
... Superman...
... clown... i wanted to be a ghost...
... clown... I wanted to be a princess... again...
... clown... I wanted to be a vampire...
... cowboy...
... Charlie Chaplin, but my moustache fell off so I was just a man...
... Wednesday Adams...
... Go-Go Yubari...
... Winnie-the-Pooh...
... pylon from Toy Story...

Monday, October 30

day 10923: my dog's ears smell like McDonald's cheeseburgers

I've been spending so much time away from home recently, my dog no longer recognizes me.

Sunday, October 29

day 10922: gong show of a fcuked up weekend

1. You go to the grocery store, and come home with a fur coat.
2. What was supposed to take three hours ends up taking two days.
3. You don't have your cellphone, keys, passcard, or your toothbrush.
4. White trash drunk girl at a club calls you a bitch, pulls your hair and deliberately spills her drink on you because you went to talk to your friend that she was trying to hit on.
5. You fall asleep in the middle of someone's living room floor.
6. You wake up hungover and have to go to work.
7. Driving home from work at midnight on a Sunday night, and all you can think about is how easy it would be to drive into a lamppost so that you don't have to go to work tomorrow.
8. You have 5 hours before you have to wake up and do it all over again.

Thursday, October 26

day 10919: what are friends for?

What are the odds that you have 50+ people over for a belated Turkey Day potluck, and you give your guests the option of bringing drinks, a side dish, appetizers or a date for the hostess, and NO ONE brings a date for the hostess?

Wednesday, October 25

day 10918: finally.... introducing.... the office pets!


They're tiny, but they're alive. Ever since I started reading comic books, I've always wanted some. Hours, and hours of endless fun.

Or so they say.

(ps. Those little white dots in the picture, those aren't it. They're still too small to take a picture of. Maybe next week.)

Tuesday, October 24

day 10917: the suspense is killing ya, ain't it

Sorry folks, forgot my camera today.

Going drinking with the monkeyco. Hasta luego.

Monday, October 23

day 10916: too much of a good thing

Give me an inch, and I’ll take the whole lane. Introduce me to Photoshop, and I’ll make all my pictures look overexposed.

Damn… I really need to learn how to use that thing. I’ve taken some otherwise perfectly good pictures, and made them hideous.

Tomorrow, if I remember to bring my camera to work, I’ll be introducing the newest members of the Schmassion family!

Yay… aren’t you excited?!!

Sunday, October 22

day 10915: post i had to backdate because i didn't want to hurt the fish's feelings

Introducing... *drum roll*...

SAKE BOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got the googly-eyed-bubble-boy months ago (i.e. March), but I forgot to post his picture. And, as we all know, if I didn't post his picture before I post the picture of the newest addition(s) to the Schmassion family, his feelings will get hurt.

We really don't want THAT to happen.

(ps... I know the picture is blurry. Do you know how FREAKING HARD it is to take a good shot of a camera shy fish?!)

Saturday, October 21

day 10914: you don't bring me flowers, anymore

It occurred to me that I've never had a guy bring me flowers. Bacon always talked about giving flowers to a girl for no reason, but I guess he always found reasons not to give me flowers. Triscuit sent flowers to my office one V-day, and brought me a bunch after I was stabbed to death on stage playing Victor in Zastrozzi, but neither really counted, since he only did it for fun, and not because he really meant it.

I think it's important that my next boy brings me flowers, hide them behind his back when I look through the peephole at him, and then surprise me with a boyish flourish as he presents me with a bouquet of the-perfect-shade-of-pink flowers.

Because, damn it, I'm a girl and girls like that kind of shit.

Friday, October 20

day 10913: people... people who need people...

... are the luckiest people in the world...

Seeing Babs in concert tonight. So freaking excited. I love Babs. Always have.

Thursday, October 19

day 10912: blog stalking

I could tell you that I didn’t mean to - that I didn’t start out with the intention of stalking - but you won’t believe me. Had the situation been reversed and I told that to myself, I probably won’t believe myself either.

One site led to another which led to another which led to yet another. I started looking for restaurant recommendations, and ended up finding the blogs of Triscuit’s co-workers.

Sadist that I am, I went through their archives trying to find out details about his wedding to Really-Annoying-Girl (aka Bitch Chick).

On the flip side, strange as this may sound, I know they’re stalking me too

Wednesday, October 18

day 10911: hablo un poco de espanol

If you walk into a pharmacy and use the phrase "Estoy embarazada. Estoy constipado" to order up some laxatives, they'll look at you oddly and laugh to themselves while filling your prescription.

estoy embarazada : (es-toy em-ba-ra-tha-da)
1. I’m pregnant
2. Does NOT mean, “I’m embarassed”

estoy constipado : (es-toy kons-tee-pa-do)
1. I have a cold.
2. Does NOT mean, “I’m constipated”

Tuesday, October 17

day 10910: fraud

One day they'll realize that I'm not really a numbers person, and that I really don't belong in Finance.

Until then, I'll keep pretending that I know what I'm talking about.

Monday, October 16

day 10909: friday the thirteenth.

It was cold for an early October day. It had snowed the day before, and the bare hill top provided no respite from the chill of the wind.

People huddled in groups. For warmth, maybe for comfort; I do not know. Little was said and what little said was hurried.

Flowers tossed, goodbyes whispered, we walked away and prayed that she at last had found peace.

Thursday, October 5

day 10898: missed connection (tribute to craigslist)

you: walking northbound on Victoria
me: walking southbound
we: passed each other in the middle of Richmond

I noticed you noticing me. I didn’t notice my heel getting caught on the streetcar tracks. My shoe fell off...

you: snickered at me
me: turned beet red and mumbled something to myself
we: coffee?

Tuesday, October 3

day 10896: 30 things to do before i'm done being 30

My list, with a twist... until I've crossed every item off, I refuse to age.

1. a passport and a toothbrush
2. learn to converse en fran├žais fluently
3. trust again, love again, learn to love myself again
4. ride a mechanical bull
5. be spontaneous and reckless in a good way
6. swim with the sharks
7. decorate a cake a la Colette and Mike
8. write a song and have it performed
9. dance in the rain and dance like no one's watching
10. know my limit and accept it
11. go skinny dipping
12. learn how to take a compliment
13. run a 5k and 10k
14. climb one of the seven summits
15. go to an all-you-can-eat and not eat all-I-can-eat
16. send a message in a bottle
17. write the novel
18. drive the Autobahn
19. ask someone I’ve just met to go on a date
20. stand up to someone for someone
21. lose that last 15lbs
22. buy everyone in a bar a drink
23. ride a camel in the desert
24. follow the Nile and see the pyramids
25. go to Cambodia and explore the temple ruins
26. find a job I love
27. hot air balloon
28. climb the CN tower
29. go on an east coast eating tour
30. save the turtles

Monday, October 2

day 10895: pray for me

If being pregnant is as sucky as having the stomach flu, then I never want to have kids.