Friday, May 26

day 10766: monkeyco = fort knox

This place is nuts. I need a passcard to get into the building, need it in the elevator to access my floor, and need it again to get to the office areas on my floor. I forgot my passcard and locked myself in the stairwell.

That’s where I’ve been all week, and I only just got out...

Just joking. Went to Vegas, came back, went to Windsor, came back… and then buried myself in work.

Wednesday, May 17

day 10757: points... runs... meh...

Top of the seventh. Field is soaked from the day's downpour. Blackouts trail by 8 runs. Our heros are disheartened and gloomy. It's been a tough game.

Then a miracle.

9 runs. I think someone hit a grand-slam. Wait... maybe not. Only two people were on base, but still the screams of joy.

Bottom of the seventh... it's only a seven inning game. First guy strikes himself out. Second guy fouls on the infield-fly rule, eventually makes it to first base... damn it, the second baseman should have gotten it (oh wait, that was me). He eventually makes it to second. Drat.

But then, the enemy gets suckered by their own batting order. Girl one, out! Girl two... we watch with bated breath, strike... pitch again... hit... crap!

Suddenly, someone snags it, and launches it to first. Ball floats in slow-motion. Everything else besides the ball ceases to exist.



Blackouts win 20-19. Yay.

Tuesday, May 16

day 10756: as empty as what's inside my head

From: New Coworker Dude
To: Schmassion
Re: meeting

Just to let you know, your boss, [Boss's name], will be in meetings for the morning.


New Coworker Dude

From: Schmassion
To: Ex-Coworker Chick
Re: FWD meeting

Something tells me that I'm not being friendly enough to the new guy.

From: Ex-Coworker Chick
To: Schmassion
Re: Re FWD meeting

Wait! Doesn't he sit next to you?

From: Schmassion
To: Ex-Coworker Chick
Re: Re Re FWD meeting


Monday, May 15

day 10755: reason #559847135698 why i should never have children

I forgot my Schmootsie's birthday.

Friday, May 12

day 10752: how strange...

[ed note: Holy crap! Somehow I thought today was Friday the 13th, hence the entry down below. Ugh... I think I have too much on my mind again. Sucks to be me]

Last year, there was a Friday the 13th in May too. I know, because that was the day that the lamebrain ER doctor called to tell me that my back was cracked, and that I'd possibly be shorter than my self-proclaimed 5'1½".

Because, you know, that ½" makes all the difference.

Size matters. Don't let them lie to you when they tell you it doesn't.

Wednesday, May 10

day 10750: raison d’ĂȘtre...

Trying to be me. And trying to be happy.

This makes me happy.

Tuesday, May 9

day 10749: once bitten, twice shy…

The other day, someone introduced me to the world of toasted ramen noodles. Crush the noodle lump into smaller lumps, toss it into the toaster oven for a bit, sprinkle with seasoning and enjoy.

Quick and easy, it’s a pretty good snack. Especially late at night when the store downstairs is closed, and you’re craving something salty and crispy.

But what she didn’t tell me was this… when you’re using the hot and spicy Korean ramen noodles, go light on the seasoning. Otherwise you’d be running around your house for half an hour, downing water and juice like crazy while stuffing your mouth full of ice cubes...and then you'd be talking like “thiff” the next day becauthe your tongue and your lipth are thill thwollen.

Monday, May 8

day 10748: meet the kids

Roles are reversed. Tonight I get to meet the Maternal One's new beau.

As retarded as this might sound, I am completely prepared to dislike him for about two minutes for something as arbitrary and stupid as having a mustache or having big earlobes.

And then maybe I'll be supportive, or at least try to be.

How's that for poetic justice?

Thursday, May 4

day 10744: what the fcuk did I ever do in a past life to deserve all this?

{Begin Rant}

Dear Guy-Who-Just-Walked-Out-Of-the-Elevator,

Not to be blunt, but when you hear someone yell out “Ew, GROSS!” just as they walk into the elevator you just left, it means either one of two things:

1. You smell. Please take a shower. If your stench lingers after you’ve left the area, it’s an issue. You might want to consider seeing a doctor.

2. You fcuking let one rip in the elevator, you pig-scum. It’s a fcuking enclosed space which means limited air circulation, which means that you are lower than low to make the next person suffer the consequences of your 3am burrito fetish. AND… if you smirked or giggled or even thought it was remotely funny… you fcuker, I hope you suffocate to death in your own methane hell one day.

{/End Rant}

Tuesday, May 2

day 10742: kapoopie's momma asked me to make her 200 jello shots

Some days I feel like my life revolves around alcohol.

Oh wait. It does.

Monday, May 1

day 10741: there has to be a story in it somewhere...



wake up Saturday morning hungover, naked, you and the dog are both covered in barbeque sauce, you broke a heel in your boot sometime Friday night, and now it's Monday and you still haven't been able to find your glasses.

Someone's got issues.