Tuesday, August 28

day 11221: if I was to ever post a w4m posting in craigslist, this'd be it

Make my sister’s dreams come true! - w4m - 30

The other night my sister had a dream about “my boyfriend.” Seeing as how my sister has never showed any previous psychic tendencies, I’m willing to explore the possibility that she might indeed have ESP.

To qualify for consideration, you must be all of the following:

- a surfer
- Canadian
- a super nice guy
- blond
- smart
- adventurous
- really hot
- going to Costa Rica in September (to go surfing... of course)

Help me make my sister’s dreams come true… or explain to her fiancé why she’s dreaming about strange super hot, blond surfers.

So, what do you say? Do you really exist?

Sunday, August 26

day 11219: me and my addictive personality...

Isn't it funny that they make games like
Trauma Center and Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney for the Nintendo DS, but there's no such game as Morty Schwartz: Crack Auditor or Freddy Fingers Cooks the Books.

'Cuz you know, there's a whole big bunch of us DS'ers that would just totally rock those games.

Monday, August 20

day 11213: two things i really really really like!!!!

EXCLAMATION MARKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Now you can stare at her all day too.

Sunday, August 19

day 11212: confessions of a youtube addict

I'm addicted to youtube...

In the past half a day, I've watched everything from Andy Lau music videos, Hannah Montana excerpts, and DIY cake decorating videos. Yay.

I'm also procrastinating and should probably be working. Can you tell?

Tuesday, August 14

day 11207: fourscore and what feels like seven years ago

A hundred and six days ago, I woke up not knowing that by the end of the day, I would sign my life away as an impending homeowner. Let me rephrase that... three and half months ago, I had no idea that I would impulsively put an offer on a condo that I found off Craigslist.


"Craigslist?" you ask. "You've never once mentioned anything about Craigslist."

You're right, of course. I haven't. I've never once talked about how my life revolves around Craigslist, how I've done almost everything through Craigslist; everything from renting out other people's properties and buying my bike, everything falling just short of finding a date on Craigslist. (Not that there's anything wrong with that... ahem... It's just not my style.)


I've digressed. Back to my story.

The condo was listed as a 2 bedroom, waterfront unit, facing north onto the downtown core (forgive me if this is not verbatim). A corner unit with a bright airy living space, one would simply fall in love with it upon entering (ok, I'm exaggerating).

The price was good. The view not too bad - if I look just the right way out the bedroom windows, I can catch a glimpse of the lake. Waterview. Awesome.

The only catch... no agents. This was going to be a private deal. No problem, or so I thought.

Only, it was a case of the blind leading the blind.

Neither the seller, nor the purchaser had a clue of what they were doing. We drafted up an offer that night, drafted up another the next morning, and drafted up another (and maybe one more after that) a couple days later. And when everything was all said and done, there still was no closing date to be had. Everything was pending on the completion of the building, and the builder registering with the city, upon which my deal would close.

And so I waited. And waited. And waited some more, all the while delving deep into my finances to see how I could afford my little impulse, fielding well-meant inquiries of when my condo was closing and a lot of ribbing about how my situation was a textbook case on why one should do all real estate transactions through a bona fide real estate agent and how I should have consulted a professional. I shrugged it off, internalized my stress (have I mentioned that I'm commitment phobic) and waited some more.

Finally, one day in July I got a call from the owner. A notice was posted in the hallway, she informed me. The condo was closing soon. Oh, but by the way, she tenanted out the condo to a couple of students and it was possible that they'd still be there when I assumed possession of my condo.

And then the stress piled on with renewed vengence. No way, no how would I assume responsibility for tenants. Students? What the hell? There were many mutterings of potential lawsuits and more back and forth between us and them over the closing dates and tenant evictions. And then they stopped returning my calls. Let me tell you, I was not a happy camper.

Today is another story completely. I'm crazy happy, but completely terrified. My BRAND NEW CONDO is vacant, and I have the keys and full possession of everything I'm supposed to be possessing. I've signed away my life, written the biggest cheque I've ever written and adopted a mortgage that will possibly force me into a lifetime of pb&j sandwiches.

But, who cares? I've got property, man. And that's just the beginning to MY empire.

It's great to be me.

Monday, August 13

day 11206: so s-m-r-t

posie: Wow. You're smarter than you look.

schmassion: Thanks for the compliment!

posie: Huh?

schmassion: I'm asian and I wear glasses. I'm surprised I don't already have a PhD sign hovering over my head.

Sunday, August 12

day 11205: holy news weekend, Batman!!!!

TWO(!!) engagements and one new condo!

Awesomeness to the most extreme...

Congrats to the Sista and her man-toy, congrats to the other cute little couple who shall not be named as yet, and congrats to Posie for finally giving in and putting down roots!!!

Hm, I wonder what else is coming up next... and who else I can live vicariously through... ;)

Thursday, August 9

day 11202: memories of costa rica past

There's a small soda in Punta Banco where the turtlers would sup. Lunch was a casual affair, people coming and going on their own whimsy.

Late one afternoon after a busy morning of beachcombing and tide pool poking, I wandered back to the soda for a bite and some freshly squeezed naranjo juice. The proprietor was in the kitchen cleaning up after the others, and began babbling to me in Spanish.

"Um, no hablo Espanol." I managed to eek out with my extremely limited Spanish.

She babbled at me again.

I don't speak Spanish, I said again.

She gazed at me with a look of utmost patience, raised her voice slightly and said very, very slowly,


And handed me a plate.

rice with chicken

Wednesday, August 8

day 11201: random letters from the abyss

Dear Dudie,

I know you like to talk things out, and I fully understand that some people need to vocalize their thoughts in order to solve their problems. However, I'd like to point out the fact that I am not a professional hand holder. I do not get paid to hold your hand. I do not get paid to sit in your office for hours upon end, listening to you trying to figure out what you did wrong.

Come to think of it. We did this a lot last year, and I partially blame you and your need for hand holding as the reason why I barely saw sunlight all last summer. But you were new then, and had the guts to go on vacation at the busiest time of year, so it had to be done.

This year... not so much. Adios amigo.




Dear Driver of the #11 Bayview bus,

I know it probably frustrates you that you're always travelling, but never actually get anywhere. But you've got a busload of innocent people relying on you and your keen-eyed attention on the road.

So do you really think you should be yabbering away on your cell phone?

All the best,



Dear Ma,

I love you.

I love that you love to clean.

I love that you love to clean my room in particular.

But I'd love more if I could come home one day and find things exactly where I left them... because you know, I keep thinking I'm losing my mind, and I keep buying things twice.


"Spoiled brat"


Dear YB,

You and your snarky attitude are pissing me off.




Dear PC,

Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. Right back at you.

L8R H8R,


ps... I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions this afternoon and thought you made a mistake. But honestly, you can't really fault me for it. Everything else you did for me was wrong.

Tuesday, August 7

day 11200: i don't know if i should be admitting this...

I think I have a wee crush on House.

Even if he did fake cancer to get high.

Monday, August 6

day 11199: and so it is... just as you said it would be

Miscellaneous things I learned (or relearned) over the weekend:

~ driving by yourself for hours upon hours upon hours can actually be fun
~ I can sing really, really loudly
~ listening to musicals makes the drive go by much, much faster
~ I do not like pretzels unless it's covered with seasoning
~ sometimes most times, I will just lick off all the seasoning and throw away the pretzel
~ men can talk big, but it takes a strong woman to show them how it's done
~ when someone says the cottage has a spring shower, it doesn't necessarily mean one like in the Irish Springs commercials. It might just be a hose at the back of the cottage
~ I can shower at almost the speed of light
~ one person's "refreshing" is another's "brrrrrr.... freezing..."
~ cottage trips where you do nothing but eat and play boardgames are fun
~ cottaging on your own private island is really fun
~ being stuck on the island because it's thunderstorming is not so fun
~ the dog really is a city dog
~ I need to simplify my life and maybe go hide out on an island some more

Friday, August 3

day 11196: nothing left to say except... it's peanut butter jelly time

Damn m&m's and my addictive personality.

Must stop. Dammit.

One more...


one more...


Thursday, August 2

day 11195: on those days where everyone is being a wee bit $hithead-ish

All I have to do is repeat to myself:

2 days until Île Lamothe...
44 days until surf camp in Costa Rica...
146 days until Bahamas...


Wednesday, August 1

day 11194: serenity now... serenity now! (PC tales part deux)

schmassion: *looking for my zen moment*

QWW: my zen moment has been violated.

schmassion: *happy place, happy place*

QWW: raped and plundered