passion...schmassion

Day 9999 1/2: Truths and half truths...

I learned my lesson almost five years ago to the day. Not telling the whole truth can be really, truly detrimental to one's life - even when trying to save face and not stir up trouble. As a result, I lost a job offer, damaged my reputation (though not irreparably), and spent four years of the last five trying to get to where I would have been had I only told the whole and complete truth. I only feel as if I am only now coming out of it. And I blame it all on that one little lie... "I chose to do XYZ..."

The story and the lie is not important. I did it for my own person reasons. I was embarassed, had yet to come to terms with something else, and when confronted and forced into a tight spot, I chose to take the easy way out. End of story.

Since then, I have tried to live my life lie-free. And I have been disappointingly unsuccessful. I find my days filled with truths and half truths. I try not to blatantly lie about anything, but again, when put into a tight spot, I duck the truth and take the easy way out. Most of the time, it's something small... insignificant really, like I'm working late tonight so I don't have time to stop by. Or, I'm so busy at work right now I don't have time to do your taxes...sorry Mom. Or, I hope you feel better, Grandpa, even though your condition is terminal and you've been in the hospital for the past 7 years, maybe one day you'll make a miraculous recovery and be the person you once were. And then there are the little white lies... yes dear, your hair is perfect dear... I love it that way, hon. And the "no, Triscuit did not stay over last night, it was just BMW, PLBoy and D... We're just friends" lines to the parental units... who am I trying to fool? Little things really, that don't have significant value, except to the person that I've said it to, and that it eats away at my insides and makes me feel horrendously guilty...