day 10231: five guys…one weekend
guy number one…bought me drinks
D: You rock!
J: Why? Cuz I can hold my liquor?
D: No, you rock cuz you’re a girl and you drink like a fish! Let’s dance… no… let’s do more shots first!
guy number two…proposed marriage first, then wanted to pay me for "services"
T: Say a guy gave you a carat.
J: A carrot? Why would anyone give me a vegetable?
T: No, a carat, as in from Tiffany’s. VS, D colour etc etc.
J: Why would anyone buy jewelry from Tiffany’s? It’s such a rip-off. Wholesale. Always buy jewelry wholesale…
T: OMG, will you marry me?
[a little later]
T: You should know how I feel about you.
J: [drunkenly] Hmmm?
T: What would it take?
J: I just met you. I don’t even know you.
T: Ok. Let me rephrase the question… How much would it take?
guy number three…puked all over my house and left the next morning without cleaning it up
J: Terry, clean up your mess before you leave!
Terry: I can’t I’m late to help BMW & GG move.
J: Dammit. CLEAN IT UP! I AM NOT CLEANING UP YOUR DRUNKEN MESS!
Terry: At least it’s not on the floor.
[door slams shut]
[ed. note: name has NOT been changed to protect the guilty]
guy number four…wore a dress to my company christmas party
J: Wow! I can’t believe you actually wore the kilt! You look amazing!
JB: It’s great! A little breezy and cold, but I’m really digging the frilly shirt. I might have to buy one just like it.
[a little later]
JB: How do you go to the bathroom with a skirt on?
J: Um. You lift up and…
JB: Squat? I meant at the urinal.
J: I wouldn’t know…
[a little later while talking to VP at monkeyco christmas party]
JB: Why is his so much bigger than mine? And why does he have three tassels and I only have two?
guy number five…triscuit - need i say more?
I’m so glad we’re friends again. In spite of all that has transpired and what was spoken, you were and always will be a very special part of my life. Love Triscuit.
[ed. note: love???? Had you said that six months ago, I would have been over the moon and around the corner. Oy. Now I'm just scared.]
Five guys... all in all, it was a rather good weekend.
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