passion...schmassion

day 10659: nerves of steel

I’ll admit that I’m pretty nervous about Mexico. I’ve spent the past days tying and retying knots, reading about building anchors, and cramming climbing knowledge into my already overworked brain. And while my body remains relatively uninjured, and my mental blocks have been temporarily eased, thoughts of factor 2 falls, rappels off the end of my rope and knots magically untying haunt me.

My palms sweat every time I think about it.

I’m at a place where I should be comfortable in my climbing abilities. The extra couple classes of yoga and the unending rounds of push-ups and sit-ups have me almost back to pre-May 12-accident shape. I know I’m still carrying a *few* extra pounds of spare weight, but it’s nothing that will hold me back. I’m climbing strong though I technically should be climbing stronger. But that’s only half the challenge.

The other half is the mental fortitude and determination that it will take to get up the mountain. That’s where I’m lacking. My body is capable, but my mind freezes. I have a habit of forgetting to breathe when I’m in a tough situation. I cling to the wall afraid to take the fall, and lose focus. I yell “take” even though I know I should push on. Stories of 35’ run-outs on a 5.10b constantly run through my mind.

I’ve done what I can and what I can’t do I’m committed to giving a 100% effort. But there are other people involved and I have to take their efforts and goals into consideration. Though I am the weakest one other there, I will not be the weakest link. I will not be the one to hold anyone back.

The only thing I can do is just grin and bear it. Ten days to go.