day 10819: sure do know how to pick 'em...

Feel so slimy and used.

Ugh.

I'm on hiatus. Don't feel like blogging anymore.

day 10817: freak of nature

For an asian girl, I am particularly well endowed. My frontal chestage area, as I’ve just been told, requires an “F” cup. I didn’t even know they made an “F” cup. I’m hoping that “F” is the asian translation for a “C” and that somewhere out there, some flat-chested asian girl is just trying to screw with my mind because she’s so GODDAMN JEALOUS that there actually exists someone with BOOBS BIGGER THAN PEBBLES.

You don’t even know what kind of havoc these things have caused. I’ll be traumatized for life.

day 10814: morbid thursday

As a child, I was fascinated with reference books. I’d sneak into the basement and spend hours reading the set of 1908 encyclopedias my parents bought at a garage sale for $5. I lugged around the Charlie Brown Encyclopedia, sneaked it into my desk at school and flipped through random pages while pretending to pay attention to whatever the heck the teacher du jour was trying to impart.

It used to intrigue me whenever I read through the pages of past US presidents that listed out names and the dates of presidencies. Whenever I got to one where the president died midterm, I’d read the caption “DIED IN OFFICE” and imagine the poor guy lying dead in the Oval Office and wonder how he died.

Check this out… fascinating...

day 10813: oh me, oh my…

Dear Ontario Lottery and Gaming Corporation,

I believe you’ve made a mistake in your last 649 draw. The numbers should have been 02 15 19 23 17 39.

I thought we had an agreement. I buy a ticket and my numbers come up. I win $10 million, and you fleece another $20 million out of the “losers.” We both come out on top.

I demand an explanation. You reneged on our deal. Did someone offer you more than the $2 that I paid? Did they, perhaps, play encore?

Damn you. I was really looking forward to my $10 millon.

Sincerely,

Schmassion

day 10811: like a freaking lemming…

Let me tell you, THIS was the most overrated 3.947 seconds of my life.

I want my $6.36 back.

day 10808: the week in which I’ve had a billion things to say, but nothing comes out right

Stay tuned.

day 10804: $20/week recap…

Hypothetically, it is possible to eat on less than $20/week. It just takes a little finesse and a lot of drastic measures… like cutting out coffee.

By Friday morning, I had only spent $18 on breakfast, lunch, coffee and snacks for the week. I packed a couple lunches, got a free lunch from a committee I’m on, stopped buying coffee and was forced to drink office swill that tasted worse than Chinese herbal medicine.

More impressively, on the $18, I managed to treat a co-worker to a McDonald’s sundae, take a friend to lunch, and buy a teammate a promised Dairy Queen Butterscotch Dipped Cone.

But then I blew the budget Friday afternoon taking Sista out to lunch.