Thursday, April 19

day 11092: a world of difference

My lack of fluency in any language other than English is notorious within monkeyco which does not bode well for me considering that we are predominantly owned and occupied by people who barely speak English. My fluency in Chinglish and Biblical Hebrew do me no wonders either, hence I’ve been trying to teach myself Spanish and French.

Perhaps I should have focused on one language at a time. My reading comprehension of French is passable. My written abilities definitely sub par, and my spoken abilities even worse. My Spanish, believe me, is worse than that.

Somewhere along the line, I learned a few phrases…

Buenos dias. Good morning.

Mucho gusto. I’m pleased to meet you.

Donde esta el bano. Where is the washroom?

Estoy muy caliente. I’m very horny. (I have NO idea where I got this.)

I purchased a Lonely Planet Spanish phrasebook for the turtle saving trip to Costa Rica, thinking ambitiously that perhaps I could learn a couple of key phrases so that I could say something meaningful to the locals. (By meaningful, I mean, other than ordering a cerveza and saying something other than please and thank you and I’m very horny which I'm sure could land me in a world of trouble.)

I flipped through the book, and landed in the “Relationship” chapter…

fuerte Harder.

rapido. Faster

Lo siento, no puedu levantarla. I can’t get it up, sorry.

No te preocupes, lo hago yo. Don’t worry, I’ll do it myself.

WTF?? What kind of people are writing this thing? As if I would have the phrasebook in one hand, and God knows what else in the other…

Of course, when I started teaching myself French for “increased communicative abilities” with fellow coworkers at monkeyco, I HAD to purchase the Lonely Planet French phrasebook.

I flipped through the book, and landed in the “Romance” chapter…

plus fort Harder.

plus vite Faster

Chouette alors! Oh yeah!

C’est sensationnel. That’s great.

Vas-y mollo. Easy tiger.

I’m thinking wow, French really is the langue d’amour and then I flipped through a couple more pages, and read a few more phrases.

Va te faire voir! Get lost!


Tu es completement imbu de toi-meme.

... Your ego is out of control.

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