Monday, February 4

day 11382: my ass needs a good breakup

Some days I get tired of being single. Trips cost more when you’re on your own, there’s no one to drive you home or split a cab with after you’ve had a few too many, and showing up to family functions alone (again) is probably a fate worse than death.

“Yes Grandma, I have friends… no Grandma, they’re not boys… no Grandma, there’s nothing wrong with me… yes Grandma, I know I need to get out more… no Grandma, I don’t spend all my time on the couch… no Grandma, I didn’t know that I’m gaining weight... thank you SO much for pointing it out to me.” Repeat with grandaunts, granduncles, aunts, uncles, long-lost cousins etc. Blah blah blah.

These days I’m tired of being single for another reason altogether. I need someone to breakup with. My weight is slowly creeping up and a good breakup always helps me get things down a bit. So, for the love of all that is good and holy in the world, here’s hoping that I find a boyfriend soon.

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