Tuesday, February 12

day 11390: newsflash... you live in canada... it snows here

So it just took me over two hours to drive home from work. I missed my beach volleyball game and I sat behind a lot of idiot drivers with more money than brains. I'm tired, hungry, peeved off like nothing else, and argh... days like these I really wish I drove a convertible so I could throw snowballs at people who piss me off.

Here's the thing, people - it's CANADA. It snows here. Get used to it. I know global warming and all the crap has totally destroyed our historically brutal winters, but HEY, guess what... IT STILL SNOWS HERE. And sometimes, it snows A LOT.

Granted, there's probably been more snow this year than the past two combined, but you'd think that by "snowstorm" number 4 [ed note: I don't think the rest of the country would classify some of these as snowstorms], you'd figure out any one of the following:

1. Hey, it snows here! Maybe, if you're terrified of driving in the snow, you should take the subway, or the bus, or anything else that doesn't require you getting behind the wheel. Trust me, the rest of us don't want to sit behind you going at 15 km/h.

2. Hey, it snows here! Maybe you should REALLY REALLY REALLY consider getting a set of snowtires. They don't call them snowtires for nothing!!! Let's see... who do I know that has slid into a ditch because they don't have snowtires - an uncle, a cousin, a few friends, asshat, asshat's friend, the maternal one's ex, the maternal one's bf's son... how many cars were totalled again? 4...5...8?

3. Hey, it snows here! Maybe you should STAY OFF THE ROAD for a while until things clear up a bit. Unless of course, your wife is just about to deliver a baby or you have a beach volleyball game to get to. Of something else, equally important.

4. Hey, it snows here! Maybe you shouldn't be such an idiot driver. Maybe, you shouldn't cut in front of the lane next to me to make a sudden left turn. Maybe, you shouldn't be a complete moron and do it because you saw the guy in front of you do it, and maybe, just maybe, you should use you brain a little instead of constantly looking at the pretty colours on your GPS that's telling you that you're going all of 15 km/h.

5. Hey, it snows here! Maybe, if you can afford this Lexus, BMW, Mercedes, Porsche (insert other luxury car), you shouldn't be afraid to use it. Assuming, of course, that if said person can afford the car, they can also afford a set of SNOWTIRES.

6. Hey, it snows here! Maybe, if you're being all environmentally friendly and ride a bike everywhere, YOU SHOULDN'T BE FIXING YOUR BIKE ON THE ROAD. I don't care if you think you're in the bike lane. Move to the sidewalk. People almost killed you, but you wouldn't know it, would you, as you were bent over your tires with your ass up in the air to all the slipping cars around you THAT DON'T HAVE WINTER TIRES! (ps. props to the guy on the green scooter, but seriously, park that thing and pick it up tomorrow.)

7. Hey, it snows here! Visibility is low when the wind is blowing all that freshly fallen powder around. If you're smart enough to walk (because it's a heck of a lot faster than driving), you should be smart enough not to jaywalk! WE CAN'T SEE YOU! It only takes one idiot middle-aged balding driver in a Mercedes sport-something or rather who thinks he can drive through half a foot of snow on a sporty set of summer tires to make you into a nice little bloody pancake.

8. Hey, it snows here! If you don't know what to do when your car loses traction and starts skidding, maybe you should go to skid school or take some more driving lessons, because you definitely do not deserve to be behind the wheel of a car.

Idiots. Use your brains.

1 comment:

jay said...

Really? It snows here?

PEOPLE ARE DUMB... I love this post.