Friday, February 26

day 12136: why?

This past week, a number of people asked me why I tend to be harder on potential suitors than on people who are already part of my life and commented that if I were to be as easy-going with suitors-to-be, my success rate at finding someone would be a lot higher.

Good point, I always replied. I never had an answer to the question. I didn’t realize that I was harder on them. But really, shouldn’t the person I end up with be the absolute best person for me? And in order to find that person, shouldn’t I be a little more selective in the process?

I’ve been mulling it over and the reasons I came up with are pretty lame. Many of them have to do with my own insecurities and fears. Some of them have to do with stupidity (both his and mine) and some are just based on some deep rooted sense of self-protection stemming from the same insecurities and fears. But the reason that bothers me most, however, is that I’m starting to think that I’m waiting for the proverbial lightning bolt.

Maybe I’ve been reading too many “relationship” articles on the web, or maybe I’m just waiting for someone to make an impressive gesture. Who knows? All I really want to know is can I even be called picky if I don’t even have a tick-list of requirements? Or is having no tick-list another way that I subconsciously run away from the issue?

Or will my gut kick in and I’ll automatically know that one day I’ll be head-over-heels for someone I just met? That’s only happened once and I never saw him again.

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