Tuesday, March 16

day 12153: I chose to be tired. I chose to be resentful.

Choice… one little word with so much meaning. Sure, everyone knows they have a choice in what they do and how they live their lives, but do they recognize that everything they do, they do because they made a choice?

Accountability, responsibility… acceptance of the choice, it’s too easy to pass things off as “I didn’t want to, I had to, or I was backed into a corner and forced to do it.” Who held a gun to your head and who made the decision for you? Betcha a hundred million buckaroos no one did. It was all you, sucka.

An idea so simple, yet so profound, I almost kicked myself when I figured it out. Things don’t just happen to me or to anyone else. Most things are within our realm of control and are direct results of things where we made a conscious or subconscious decision. And if I actively take responsibility for the choices that I made, make or will make, my outlook on things are completely different.

It’s no longer I’m so tired I could cry. Why won’t people stop with their asinine demands? Now, it’s become I chose to take on a bunch of crazy projects even though I knew it was going to be a crazy hectic time at work for me. I chose to be busy because I know this will lead to something bigger and better. I’m super tired and it’s okay because I knew I would be coming in to this and I made a choice. And talking myself through that makes things start to feel a little bit better and a little bit lighter.

It’s hard to remember to apply this consistently to everything. I still find myself grumbling with stress almost as much as I used to, but letting go of negativity and letting go of things is slowly getting easier. I find myself being at peace a lot more, happier in my day to day and when I remember to talk myself through this, I’m a heck of a lot less complain-y.

Oh, and I hate people a lot less. That’s a good thing.

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