Monday, June 18

day 11151: a journey always seems longer when you're in the middle of it, but it's over in a blink of an eye

It was a beautiful Sunday, the weather was gorgeous, and after dim sum on the waterfront, what more could a girl possibly ask for?

It's dragonboat weekend, but you would never have known it unless you paid attentional to the nonsensical wording on some poor asian kid's fake Mickey Mouse t-shirt. By the time ICBBQ and I finish brunch there's only 9 more hours of sunlight left. I wonder how far I would get. We start at the base of Yonge Street and walk north, ICBBQ humouring me every other step as I stop and take picture after picture on my fancy schmancy camera I still don't really know how to use properly. Thank goodness for the Auto function.


Funny how I lived here for years, and never took a single picture. I always meant to bring my camera with me on my early morning dog walks. Cold wintery mornings were breathtakingly calm as the deep orange of the rising sun filtered it's way through the icy winter mist. But then again, cold wintery mornings on the waterfront were breathtaking for a different reason... damn wind coming off the lake...


But it's not too late, and if all goes well, one day I will be back downtown on the waterfront again. My condo still hasn't closed and I think every day that I'm getting screwed somehow. Actually, I secretly hope the deal will fall through, and I won't be stuck with a monster mortgage. I'm terrified of ties and commitment, and owning my own place seems so terrifying and permanent. We pass by my future "2 bedroom corner unit with a view of downtown," stop dead and burst out laughing. The Immigrant Family stands in front, rendering something formerly reasonably classy into a cartoon joke.


We go our separate ways, and I keep heading north. The thought first and foremost on my mind is "Where the heck can I pee?" Endless cups of tea at dim sum reduces one to a blabbering idiot constantly in search of a clean washroom. Luckily, it's pretty damn hot out there in the asphalt jungle... maybe I won't have to go that badly. The stretch between Dundas and Bloor is a lot of the same... dollar stores, XXX neon signs, and semi-mediocre (maybe a gem or two) restaurants somewhere in the middle. Ok, there's more than that, and I'm generalizing, but it's early on in the day, and I was paying more attention to the cute gay couples wandering up and down the street.

Life goes on, and on I plod. Just north of Bloor, I see the BEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN and damnit, if I couldn't get a picture. A woman is riding a classic honda, hubby and doggie in the sidecar... all wearing matching white helmets. What an awesome picture that would have been, but by the time I dig through my knapsack for the camera, they've roared off into the distance. I want to run after them and beg for a photoshoot... too bad I'm on foot. Argh. There's a little winding side road that I want to explore a little further, but I'm going to save that for next time, when I'm on my bike and can cover more territory.


The part I had been looking forward to during this journey is dismally disappointing. Summerhill seems deserted. A lot of cars driving around, but the furniture stores are dark and closed. I tour the largest liquor store in the country for the first time, and keep heading north. Somehow, brown paper bagging it on such a hot day seems like a bad idea. Besides, I've got patio plans up at Eglinton anyway.

I detour into Mount Pleasant and walk the blue line of the Discovery trail. Mount Pleasant is one of the oldest cemeteries in the city, and as morbid as it seems, the intermingling of the tombstones and graves of the fathers of the city versus the simplicity of the modern styles is fascinating. The history of the city (and the country) literally lies at my feet.


The blue line eventually leads to my grandfather's plot. It's Father's Day so I stop by and spend a few moments clearing away weeds from the flowers. I can't tell if anyone else has been by today. The chrysanthemums still look fresh, but they've been planted into the ground, so they could have been from weeks ago. I remember when there was no one else buried on this hillside. As children, we used to skip up and down, playing while the adults cleaned up the mess the winter left behind. Now I have to pick my way through all the markers. I'm a wee bit superstitious about stepping on anyone.

I backtrack the Discovery trail and keep heading north. Two furniture shops - one a little pretentious with overpriced imitation crap they're selling to people with too much money, and the other a little hokey in the custom furniture they're trying to pass off as a modern solution to the old space problem. Neither of them work for me. I get trapped talking to a salesman trying to sell me a "raft." Note to self, must learn not to be so chatty, no wonder 60 year old men are trying to pick me up in bars.

I pass my favourite Italian restaurant in the city, and keep wandering up looking for the perfect patio. Strange how little patios there are between Roehampton and Sporting Life. I have to walk back three blocks because I forgot to check out the Cupcake Shoppe. No way am I going to post pictures of that place or their cupcakes. Not bad, but I can do better.


Is it bad of me to say that my favourite parts of the day are the times when I'm sitting down and eating? I love a good patio. And it's the perfect day to sit outside and not do a single thing. It's past lunch, and I'm more thirsty than hungry. My Strongbow craving directed the patio, and it was a while before I found Mad Monty's and some good conversation. Smartie is always a riot. We flirt like crazy with each other, and have done so since the day we met. Luckily, neither of us take the other seriously.

5:00 and it's time to move on. I only have three hours of walking time left, and one last stop to make before I have to be at my cousin's place to work on the wedding video. North of Lawrence to Sheppard is brutal. Nothing to see, not much to do. The hill north of York Mills is a killer... note to anyone else walking north of Yonge - stay on the EAST side... sidewalk ends on the west, and it's a little dodgy jaywalking the 401 offramp on my shakey-Elvis legs. I'm bored adn almost ready to call it quits, but in reality, I'm halfway between subway stations, so there's not much I can do. I must walk on.

Is it me, or do the people on the patio seem that much slimier north of Sheppard? Two guys walk ahead of me. One is dressed all in white with a white knapsack, the other all in black with a black knapsack. I notice that he's wearing LuluLemon pants and puma sneakers. I really hope he's a dancer... otherwise... wellllll... when did I ever become a fashion critic?

One last stop. A few years before he died, my dad, my sister and I biked through York. We stopped at the fountain they were in the process of building, and stopped on a hillside he said was where his plot was going to be. I think I was thirteen at the time, so I was more interested in the fountain than the plot. Did I ever mention that I come from a family of planners? It's funny what you remember. North York used to be mostly farm land. I used to feed horses at Leslie and Finch, and people used to rent tiny plots of land in the cemetary to grow vegetables. There was a school nearby at one point, I remember hearing the school bell ring on the day of the funeral. Happy Fathers day, Da.


I'm tired, and it's getting late. Off to the cousin's place for 8:00. (Oooh, that rhymes.) I'm thirsty, tired, and cranky as hell, but damn happy that I've managed to walk this far. One last discovery... the Korean butcher just north of Byng sells marinated LA Kalbi... $19.47 for 3.92lbs. PAT on Bloor is better, but this is closer to home. I can't wait until my next BBQ... mmm... kalbi...

(total distance travelled... including detours... 20km...)

Thursday, June 14

day 11147: perks perks perks!!



Dear Sidney,

You're my fav hockey player. Do you mind checking out the Mellon Arena for my Leafs jersey... I lost it there in January. Or so they tell me.

Thanks bunches babe,

Schmassion

Wednesday, June 13

day 11146: i know this is going to sound a little nutty

Sunday is supposed to be bright and sunny with a high of 26C!! It'll be much too nice of day to stay inside, and I know that if I don't plan something for myself to do, I'll end up staying home and watching Season 4 of 24 or some other hermitess thing where I'll waste another glorious summer day.

So this is what I'm planning on doing...

Sunday morning, 10:30, I start from the base of Yonge Street (right by the waterfront) and I start walking north. I'll mosy along, poke my head into shops, stop for coffee or a cocktail (or two), and by about 6:30 or so, I'll see where I end up. There is no goal or purpose except to really get to know Yonge Street a bit better...

Anyone interested in joining me? You don't have to walk the whole day with me. Meet up with me along the way... grab lunch or a snack or sit on a patio with me, etc etc...

I'll have my camera, and I'll be taking pictures along the way...

Sunday, June 10

day 11143: searching for a little sweetness in an otherwise humdrum life


I haven't deserted you. I promise.

Monday, May 28

day 11130: the following events took place between day 11110 and 11129

Nothing. Absolutely bloody nothing.

Just joking…

I watched season 3 of 24.

Somewhere in the middle, I went to Windsor, flew home to Toronto just in time to get in the car to drive to Windsor on the way to Kentucky, and then back to Windsor on the way back to Toronto.

Really.

Sunday, May 6

day 11109: ...

I wrote a letter tonight, then took it outside and set match to paper. I held it until the flames licked my fingertips, and the darkness around me grew light. It was a long letter filled with ramblings and words bathed in hate.

I held onto my hatred until I could stand it no longer. And then watched as the words fell to the ground and smouldered in the grass.

I stamped out the embers and the ashes blew away in the wind.

Tuesday, May 1

day 11104: simply electrified!

GO RAPTORS GO!!!

Awesome game! So frickin close at the end... argh... stress...

I'm such a bandwagon jumper-on-er...

Saturday, April 28

day 11101: one helluva impulse buy

I did not wake up this morning thinking that I would buy a condo. But I did, so ta-da... my new home:

Monday, April 23

day 11096: life's little lessons

One is supposed to learn from their mistakes.

One is not supposed to use crazy glue to stop a run in their nylons. Especially if one has already done this before, and ended up gluing the nylons to their skin.

Btw... Boy crush over. Future boy, don't ever drop the ball on me.

Sunday, April 22

day 11095: the brillance of men

It's Sunday. It's not yet ten in the morning. I should be spending the day chilling on my balcony in my new hammock instead of working.

Outside the monkeyco office, there are hordes of grown men playing street hockey and high fiving each other. I'm six stories up, I can hear the sticks on the pavement and the boisterousness of men who clearly don't have anything better to do with their lives except to play early morning street hockey...

Guys, it's bad enough I have to work today, but did you have to rub it in as well?

Life isn't fair.

[ed note: Hm...maybe I should take a break later and bring the boys a beer...]

Thursday, April 19

day 11092: a world of difference

My lack of fluency in any language other than English is notorious within monkeyco which does not bode well for me considering that we are predominantly owned and occupied by people who barely speak English. My fluency in Chinglish and Biblical Hebrew do me no wonders either, hence I’ve been trying to teach myself Spanish and French.

Perhaps I should have focused on one language at a time. My reading comprehension of French is passable. My written abilities definitely sub par, and my spoken abilities even worse. My Spanish, believe me, is worse than that.

Somewhere along the line, I learned a few phrases…

Buenos dias. Good morning.

Mucho gusto. I’m pleased to meet you.

Donde esta el bano. Where is the washroom?

Estoy muy caliente. I’m very horny. (I have NO idea where I got this.)

I purchased a Lonely Planet Spanish phrasebook for the turtle saving trip to Costa Rica, thinking ambitiously that perhaps I could learn a couple of key phrases so that I could say something meaningful to the locals. (By meaningful, I mean, other than ordering a cerveza and saying something other than please and thank you and I’m very horny which I'm sure could land me in a world of trouble.)

I flipped through the book, and landed in the “Relationship” chapter…

fuerte Harder.

rapido. Faster

Lo siento, no puedu levantarla. I can’t get it up, sorry.

No te preocupes, lo hago yo. Don’t worry, I’ll do it myself.

WTF?? What kind of people are writing this thing? As if I would have the phrasebook in one hand, and God knows what else in the other…

Of course, when I started teaching myself French for “increased communicative abilities” with fellow coworkers at monkeyco, I HAD to purchase the Lonely Planet French phrasebook.

I flipped through the book, and landed in the “Romance” chapter…

plus fort Harder.

plus vite Faster

Chouette alors! Oh yeah!

C’est sensationnel. That’s great.

Vas-y mollo. Easy tiger.

I’m thinking wow, French really is the langue d’amour and then I flipped through a couple more pages, and read a few more phrases.

Va te faire voir! Get lost!

AND THE KICKER...

Tu es completement imbu de toi-meme.

... Your ego is out of control.

Wednesday, April 18

day 11091: looking for the man of my dreams

Last night I had a vivid dreamt about a boy.

He was tall, asian (whoa, where did THAT come from?) and a little bit funny looking. He was wearing scrubs, and his ID badge read St. Michael's Hospital (i.e. just around the corner from Monkeyco). His name started with an R... Robert... Rene... Renforth... R... R... argh...

Gosh darn it, did he ever make my heart flutter.

So, man-of-my-dreams, if you really do exist and you're not just a figment of my short-circuiting REM cycles, meet me between 9:00 - 9:15 at the Tim Hortons around the corner. I'm there practically every morning. You know where it is.

[ed note: You know what this REALLY means though... no more late night House marathons.]

Sunday, April 15

day 11088 1/2: he says spit, don't swallow...

Wow. I'm one tough chick who boasts often that she'd drink or eat practically anything, but I think I might have met my match.

There is no way on God's green earth, that anyone would ever get me to drink this.

Given my track record, I'd probably swallow the damned thing.
day 11088: my cupcakes are famous again

Yay!

Pix of the whole box... complete with sand traps, water hazards and divots, of course.


Friday, April 13

day 11086: why am I telling you this?

In university, I had a dust-coloured hamster named Harley that I bought from Petsmart and named after the bike that roared past us on the way back to my shitty basement apartment. I probably should have named him Ralph, but Harley was the first thing that popped into my head, so Harley he became, and Harley he remained.

Harley and I were alike in very many ways. We slept like logs during the day, and both liked cheese and cheese flavoured snacks. We hated when people poked us and tormented us (sorry Ro!) and we both woke up extremely grumpy.

We bonded at night; he running in his little wheel as fast as his scrawny little legs could carry him, me “studying” late into the night and watched fuzzy football on my 20 year old rabbit-eared television. Sometimes I’d put him into his hamsterball, and he’d run around leaving a trail of hamster poo behind him. He liked his freedom and escaped as often as possible, once crawling into bed with me and scaring the crap right out of me.

Fun times.

Occasionally, I’d let Harley run around on my desk while I did my studio projects (brilliant plan to avoid exams by taking art studio 101 turned out extremely time consuming and not so brilliant). He’d run around my desk sniffing at my ink, and nibbling on whatever crumbles I had on my desk. And then he’d poop.

[Aside: I don’t know if you’ve seen hamsters poo. Very interesting… very gross. Harley had a habit of reclining on his back, sticking his huge bum in the air, pooing a little poo-stub, and then using his MOUTH to grab the little poo-stub to pull out the rest of the poo, and then FLINGING it as hard as he could.]

One night before the deadline of a huge drawing assignment, I lost track of time. I was drawing and smudging and erasing as fast as I possible could, and quite simply forgot that Harley was roaming around my desk getting into his usual mischief. Deep in concentration, I put my B2 pencil into my mouth, chewing on it as I reached for another pencil.

Something eventually clicked in my mind…

Hm… something isn’t quite right? Why is there an old raisin stuck on my pencil? I wasn’t snacking on rais… OMG… IT’S HAMSTER POO!!!

Freak of a little rat (RIP) had fling his little thing onto my pencil where it had dried so that I could chew on it.

Happy Friday the 13th.

Thursday, April 12

day 11085: byte me

I spilled coffee into my laptop.

They gave me a replacement loaner.

The loaner was my old crappy computer…the one that didn’t work properly.

It still doesn’t work properly.

It decided that it didn’t like my password.

So I tried to change it.

It wouldn’t let me.

I gave it a big thump, and then it worked.

Computers hate me.

Sometimes I wonder why…

Sunday, April 8

day 11081: what i did for my three day weekend

It was like having Stacy and Clinton (of What Not to Wear fame) following my every move.

“No more boots. Your running shoes are for RUNNING only. Just because they have a little pink does not make them cute.”

“No more black. You need COLOURS!!”

“No more no-name jeans. You need jeans that LIFT AND SEPARATE.”


This weekend’s “Shop. Eat. Shop. Eat.” trip to Montreal was a blast. We hit Simons, Cour de Mont Royal, Saint Laurent; shopped until my credit card smoked and my bank account emptied. Major deals were scored, and we walked away knowing that better prices would not be possible at any outlet mall below the border.

We shopped until exhaustion.

And then we ate. Oh, how we ate. Justin bistro a vin for foie gras, Kaizen’s for sushi, Schwartz for smoked meat sandwiches… and Bubba’s in Kingston for Italian poutine. Sure, it was partially an eating trip, but the sheer amount of food consumed… incredible. I’m stunned that I don’t need to shop again to accommodate the consequences of our gluttony.

Montreal, je t'aime (but don't tell anyone)...

Wednesday, April 4

day 11077: token post about my trip to hawaii

Three things I learned during the family trip to Hawaii:

1) I am no longer terrified to death of sharks. Surfing in shark infested waters is fun!

2) Never tell the Maternal One that you don't know where you're going... even if you really have no idea where you're going, and she's the only one who's ever been there before.

3) The polite thing to answer when someone (i.e. a boy) asks you what you’re doing that night is not “meh.” Instead, you should answer, “We want to go to a club, but we don’t know where. Do you have any suggestions?”

Monday, April 2

day 11075: covert ops

While staying in the Montreal Sofitel, QWW and I came up with the most brilliant of brilliant plans to meet single eligible businessmen.

Over breakfast in swanky hotel restaurants…

Why?

Simple.

While these single eligible businessmen chill over their eggs bene and coffee in the early hours of morning, not only are they impeccably dressed (thus weeding out the gainfully employed from the not-so-gainfully employed), but they’re usually alone (and far away from home) thereby making them more susceptible to conversation openers such as “Are you done with that newspaper?” or “Do you know of a good place in [insert city here] that has a good bar and great music?”

Chances are they’ll jump at the opportunity to get to know sexy single women because 1) we all know that what happens out of town stays out of town, 2) meeting new people helps the evenings pass by faster (instead of watching Friends reruns in the hotel gym), and 3) as QWW so eloquently argued… “morning wood.”

Sunday, April 1

day 11074: jump

I'm jumping on the basketball bandwagon. Off I go to tonight's Raptors game.

Of course there are ulterior motives. Go... er... Raptors! Score some goals... er points... yeah.