passion...schmassion

Day 10032: Feelings of inadequacy

Friday night. Boy and I are sitting at the neighbourhood bubble tea store. He - passion fruit with star shaped mango jellies. Me - blueberry green tea with tapioca bubbles. I'm beat and exhausted despite my three and a half hour nap in the afternoon... I love new monkeyco...

Surprised, aren't you, that I did something last night instead of staying home and reading in bed (which I was actually looking forward to, since it's been half a year at least and I really wanted to finish my book). Yeah, so was I when he called at 7:45 and asked if I wanted to see Shrek 2. Ummm, yeah, and does the Dawg like cookies...?

Our faces were aching from all the laughing (Shrek 2 is an amazingly funny movie) and somehow or rather, we start talking about The Matrix which seeing as how it's Triscuit's favourite movie, it's not an unlikely discussion topic. He's talking about the links and parallelisms to Christianity, and to life, and how really, if we thought about it, the matrix could actually exist and how our brains are like computers and we really didn't need our bodies to function... i.e. we could learn to play volleyball by watching and then by thinking through the motions, and that really, it's just mental. Good points, interesting conversation, only one problem...

Triscuit: So, don't you have any books or movies that make you think about life and stuff...
Me: Um... sure... *desperately trying to think of something...drawing blank*

Then, it occurred to me that I actually don't. Sure, there are the movies and the books that I've liked, reread, thought about a bit and then moved on. But nothing that has moved me or touched me in any way. No inspiration whatsoever... none... nada...

Am I that superficial? Apparently it seems that I've taken everything at face level and have never bothered to delve into the plots, subplots and hidden meanings of all that lays before me. That I've never before really paused and questioned the whys and why nots behind everything, or even made an effort to link to other aspects of my so-called-life. My motto, as it appears, to accept everything and question nothing.

So, it appears that I am a flake, a ditz, a shallow pseudo girlie-girl (I'm trying sooo hard...). Uninteresting, unknowledgable, un-thought provoking, unworthy of stimulating conversation. And yet, I can spew out useless facts and tidbits of non-relative conversation items with the best of them. I can blame my lack of memory for a lot of things, but we all know the truth...