Monday, July 19

Day 10091:  The Rules of Engagement...

What are the rules of breakup?  While neither the dumper nor the dumpee, my lack of experience in all things relationship makes me uncertain as to how I should react.  While certainly not-so-happy about the turn of events, I don't believe I'm devastated or depressed, or even too-too sad.  Actually, I'd consider it more a "quiet thoughtfulness" type of feeling - one of self-reflection, and ponderment.  Sure, there's the missing and the thinking-about-what's-he-doing-now, and the I-know-he'll-love-this-sticker-for-his-snowboard-so-let's-buy-it-for-him kind of thing, but on the whole, I think I'm doing rather well. 
But what to do, if say, he calls?  We're still friends.  We'd both like to stay good friends.  No hard feelings if I can't love you, but I love being your friend, right?  Do I hang up on him, tell him to p-off, screen his calls?  I still like talking to him, and no, there were no pangs of heartache or anything when he called me 9:00 Sunday night to find out how my day went - which when you think about it, he's never really done that before.  He must have been extremely bored or something.  But, it was nice to know that he still thinks about me, and gosh-darned-it... dare I even think he might *gasp* miss me a little... whatever... it doesn't matter anymore. 
And what to do when people ask me about him?  As far as I'm concerned, (and in BMW's words...) "it was the world's worse-kept secret."  Everyone knew, or everyone suspected.  Those who didn't were even more delusional than I was.  And yes, I think I do have a slight problem telling people that we've "broken up" since the official word was that we were never seeing each other in the first place.  But, too, he has a right to his privacy, and it doesn't bode well if I, in all my drunken glory, go around spewing stuff that no one really has the right to know if he doesn't want them to... though from my perspective, I really couldn't care less who knows and who doesn't. 
Q:  "What's Triscuit doing today?"
A:  "...ummm... how the hell should I know?" 
Q:  "Why isn't Triscuit here?"
A:  "...ummm... because we didn't call him..."
(...insert cheering from the studio audience... "Good answer!  Good answer!!!"... )
We were better friends than lovers.  I can keep on deluding myself that the past year was spent in winter-wonderland-pink-cotton-candy-Santa's-village type of bliss, but why bother.  Half the time we were together, we were hanging out with our other friends, the other half, we were rollerblading, climbing, snowboarding, movie-watching or just sleeping - oh yeah, there was a lot of sleeping... napping, dozing, falling-asleep-while-he-watched-tv... and yup... mostly just plain sleeping (damn).  But really, we were just doing the everyday hanging out with a good friend kind of thing.  No romantic walks on the beach (except in Cali), no fancy schmancy dinner dates... just a lot of plain everyday honesty-to-goodness kind of fun. 

So it's been a week.  It's over and done with.  The hardest days are done, and I rather like to think that I'm somewhat ready to move on.  And the quest for continued friendship?  Yeah, I can deal with that... maybe not today, and maybe not tomorrow, but someday... it won't be the same, but it can still be fun.  Someday...  ;)

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