passion...schmassion

Day 10162: to act or not to act, that is the question

I've been waffling back and forth about it for weeks. Should I act? Should I not act? Can I even make that kind of commitment right now in my life with all the other things that are going on?

I had a lot of fun last time. The play itself was so-so. I probably won't have chosen it had it been my decision. But, the performance was drop-dead-awe-inspiring amazing to say the least. It was just a lot of good times with people I love (mostly my family) with just a bit of acting thrown into it for good measure. Light-hearted at times, but still committed and dedicated.

This time, it feels different. It doesn't have the same feeling of "fun-ness" as it did before. It feels stricter, more enforced, a lot more serious, a lot more than a bunch of friends getting together to have a little fun, and showing the world that we are more than two dimensional people - that we have other talents besides accounting and finance, dragonboating, hockey, snowboarding, skiing, salsa dancing, rollerblading, rockclimbing etc etc.

I'm not sure why.

Perhaps because Sista and Bo aren't there. Perhaps because Binny-the-superhero-claims-adjustor is being relocated to Florida to help out with the hurricane aftermath for the next two months. Perhaps because I feel like every single moment of every single day is spent running around in circles not really accomplishing anything of importance and I go to bed exhausted every night.

Yet, I can still picture myself doing it. I can picture myself in the role of Victor, playing mentor and protector to Verezzi. I can imagine the fight scenes and the crowds oohing and awwing with every spectacular thrust and parry, backflip and drunken master fighting stance.

And, of course, without a doubt, I like the attention of it. The world revolves around me, you know... I just have to reinforce it at times.

I've never been this indecisive about anything before. I've never comtemplated pros and cons for weeks upon weeks. Usually, I make a decision, stick to it, and pull it through. I've never really BAILED on anything before... But now I'm contemplating it.

For all that's said and done, it will be yet another opportunity for me to mature and grow, yet another activity in my already busy schedule, another commitment in my jam-packed life...

To act, or not to act. That is the question...

ps...this book is making the rounds. I think I might need to go buy it.