Monday, November 1

day 10196: dog-capades and other scooby snacks


My darling tootsie-wootsie-cutie-petootie-puppy-wuppy was a very, very, very, very bad wittle-doggie. While I was at yoga, she jumped onto the coffee table, proceeded to knock off almost everything formerly-on-the-table (picture half-empty juice glasses perched precariously on the edge, clean laundry scattered across the floor), and THEN mangled and devoured a bag of Pepperidge Farm Dark Chocolate Chunk Cookies. I came home to find pieces of the bag everywhere, cookie and chocolate crumbs in my bed, and one smug little puppy wagging her tail happy as can be.

dogs + chocolate = bad news

We rushed to the vet for an emergency stomach pump. Waited for an hour and half to be seen by an annoying-baby-talking-doggie-doctor who told me to leave the dog and come back in 3 hours.

[ed. note: I don’t understand why people insist on using baby talk with dogs… especially the high-pitched whiny voice kind that just grates on your nerves and makes you shudder at the thought. And then uses the same voice with people… e.g. “Your puppy-wuppy was a very bad-wittle-doggie…” *gag*]

Three and a half hours later, $255 poorer, and a lesson learned that it’s better to pay the $1 for parking than to get a $20 parking ticket, miserable tootsie-wootsie-cutie-petootie-puppy-wuppy decided to show me how upset she was at having to go to the vet by leaving me a little liquid surprise while I was in the shower. And while I yelled and cursed and ran around half nekkid trying to clean up the mess before it stained my one and only carpet, she jumped onto the couch, unearthed yet another buried chocolate chip cookie and munched on it, all delicately and lady-like, while glaring at me with much, much hatred in her eyes.

She hated me that much more when I tackled her and dug the offending cookie mush out of her mouth.

scooby snacks…

~ I don’t like tequila anymore.
~ When the yoga instructor says “do a downward dog up against the wall, and see, you’re halfway to a handstand…” don’t believe her.
~ I still don’t know what a “bundi” is.
~ Hissy fits = pffffttttt…
~ Flying a kite is fun! A 2 meter kite can drag you along the ground if the wind is strong enough
~ “Oh-oh! Let’s go make friends with them, maybe they’ll let us try their mountain boards…”
~ I have no idea what club I went to on Saturday night. Stop asking.
~ “Dude… you know better that to fall for a girl who has a fcuk-friend… everyone knows that.”
~ “How long do I have to wait before I can leave… fifteen minutes? Good, I’ve already been here ten. Five more minutes and I’m going home to bed. What? ANOTHER fifteen. Damn.”
~ ten minutes later, in the caves of Oasis… “Zzzzzzzzz”
~ I don’t like tequila anymore.
~ I don’t like dog anymore.
~ I'm poor again. And chocolate-chip-cookie-less. Damn dog.

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