passion...schmassion

day 10312: can of worms

Once upon a time, a friend came up to me and said, “I hardly ever talk to you anymore. Why don’t you ever call me?”

“I try,” I replied, “But, time difference. Anyway, you never call me either.”

“Yeah, I know,” she said. “Well, call me sometime.”

“You call me, too.”

She never called. I never called. I sent emails for a while, but rarely got one back. I visited, she visited. Times were fun when we were together just hanging with a group. But it wasn’t the same. Things were different.

We had become strangers…once-upon-a-time friends who shared a history, common friends and that’s about it.

I’ve been thinking about writing this for a while. Type, delete, type, delete… it wasn’t something I necessarily wanted out in the public airwaves. I tortured myself with the what-if-she-sees-this-what-if-it’s-just-me-etcetera-etcetera, just like I did when I was agonizing over whether or not I could write off a long term friendship.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it isn’t just me, and that even if she sees this, it’s probably for the better. Open a can of worms and maybe you’ll catch a fish.

People change. Life’s circumstances and our day-to-day actions make us into who we are. Things happen between people that they don’t necessarily agree upon. Expectations are set and occasionally people are disappointed.

I’m not mad, upset or angry. I’m just disappointed at the bad-timing, self-justification, and the night ending with her conclusion that just because she had her say, everything was fine and peachy. Everything was not fine and peachy – it’s still stuck in my mind.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I’ve wasted enough time grouching about it, and have spent too many minutes being disappointed in her. I no longer care.

Once upon a time, she said, “I’m glad you said that, because I’m worried that we won’t all be friends down the road.”

“We’ll always be friends,” I replied. I was innocent and naive buoyed by holiday spirit.

I never thought I’d see the day where she’d say “If you can think that I’d do something like that, then you don’t know me at all.”

To which my initial thought was… you’re right, girl...I don’t know you at all. Not anymore. Actions speak louder than words. You've done it before, you can do it again.

But it's true, actions speak louder than words. So I will make one last ditch effort to resuscitate a once-upon-a-time-friendship. I will be the bigger person, send out that one last email and ask her for coffee or tea so we can try to talk things out and maybe restore what once was.

One last ditch effort. I can do that. I think.