passion...schmassion

day 10374: a lady just came around pushing a cart and handed me a bottle of wine

Before you read on, click on this… Support breast cancer research through drinking… I like that!

(ps… in Ontario, no mailing is necessary. Funds are donated based on sales recorded at the LCBO)

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…hanging out with the boys…

Yesterday afternoon, Triscuit IM’d me asking about my plans for the weekend and that a bunch of ex-coworkers wanted to get together Saturday night for drinks. Great, I thought, we never go out with his friends… always mine or our common friends. Baby step forward… YES!

But I erred on the side of caution and instead asked him the question, “Are you inviting me or telling me?”

“Telling,” he responded. “I hope you’re ok with that.”

Humph. One step back. I’m sooo not down with that… so not down with that… breathe… breathe… breathe… Why? Is he embarrassed by me? Does he not want to be seen with me? Why am I being so darn insecure with myself? Shades of past-Triscuit float through my mind…

No… it’s just more of a guy thing. They want to sit, drink, talk about the old days, make jokes about women and then drink until they pass out.

Ok, phew… well then, whatever, fine, I guess I’ll find something else to do… and eventually “have fun.”

But it was too late… the wheels in the head had started going ‘round-and-’round. Why did he bother asking if I was ok with it? He’d go drinking with the boys even if I wasn’t ok with it. If I said that I wasn’t ok with it and he ended up not going then he’d be all crankypants with me… and WAS HE ASKING PERMISSION?

Huh? Does he think I was the type of girl would doesn’t want her boy to do anything without him? Because in my mind, that’s just wrong… we don’t have to do everything together… and boy, do I ever feel like a BITCH now! Does he expect me to ask if he’s ok when I do things without him? I don’t ask him. I don’t tell him. I make plans and then see if he wants to tag along…

And so we had a little mini “discussion” via IM.

“It’s all in the way you say it, baby.” I wrote. “If you say, hey… do you have backup plans for Saturday night, cuz I want to go hang out with the boys… then all I’ll say is sure, I’ll find something to do… have fun. But if you ask me if I’m ok with you going somewhere without me, then it sounds like you’re feeling guilty about it, and that there’s something you’re not telling me that makes me wonder why I’m not invited.”

“Maybe I overthought it,” Triscuit typed back. “I just thought if your feelings would be hurt because I wanted to do something on my own or if you’d feel left out. Maybe I won’t think so much next time.”

“Though to be honest… I’m only ok with it because you said it was a guy’s thing… if it wasn’t just hanging-out-with-the-guys I would not be ok with it… cuz then I’d start wondering why again.”

“Completely understandable… “

Take one step forward…