Monday, May 23

day 10399: lost, found and lost again…

There are days when you just want to tell the world to “Fuck off.” There are days when you can be surrounded by people but still you feel helpless, lost and alone. It doesn’t matter what people try to say or what they try to do… because it doesn’t help. It doesn’t even matter.

There are days when you question everything said to you. Wonder to yourself if things are said because that is what they think you want to hear. You probe, you pick, but there are no answers, and anything said just makes things worse.

What makes us who we are? The people we love? The things we do, or the things we care about? What makes us unique and special in the eyes of someone?

What happens when life throws you a curveball and you end up losing half the adjectives that you once used to define yourself? Who do you become?

I’m a climber. I play softball on Tuesdays. I rollerblade, mountain bike on the odd occasion and play hockey better than a lot of boys… I was happy when I got to a point where I could run for four minutes without wanting to quit.

But do these things define the real me? Once upon a time, I thought they did…

…now who am I?

Someone tell me please, because I really don’t know anymore.

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