passion...schmassion

day 11161: my sweet little pain in the neck

The DOG is afraid of weather. It started off with thunderstorms and her shaking and quivering while trying to hide behind the toilet. She was so cute in all her trembling fluffiness, we laughed it off and never really tried to overly placate her… just in case she’d start believing that it was a good thing to hide behind the toilet.

Last night, her phobia got much worse. Perhaps the air smelt of rain and thunderstorms. Perhaps it was the cats yowling and screeching behind the house that spooked her. I was asleep, and had NO FRICKIN CLUE what was going on. My blissful slumber was suddenly (and rudely) interrupted by a sudden weight on my neck, accompanied with the type of heavy breathing that I can only describe as ”sicko sex fiend” (or perhaps ”not tonight honey, do it yourself”).

Needless to say, I freaked and woke up flailing.

Me freaking + DOG freaking =BAD NEWS

DOG, probably sensing my jumpy nerves as well, decided that she really, really, really, really, REALLY needed to be comforted and wanted to get as close to me as possible. TO THE POINT OF TRYING TO GET INTO MY SKIN (slight exaggeration). She wanted to cuddle on the right, then she wanted to be on the left, and finally decided to spend the next hour walking all over my right boob (why always the right??? OUCH!!!!) before settling on my chest with her ass in my face. Did I mention that she was doing the sex fiend pant the entire time?

She didn’t want water, she didn’t want to go for a walk. She didn’t like the breeze from the fan, but got hot when she was out of it. Talk, DOGDAMMIT, talk to me and stop behaving like a freak in the middle of the night!!!!!!! (is that enough exclamation points for you?)

Of course, this morning, when I do wake up from my fitful slumber, she’s as happy as can be, and runs off with the maternal one who feeds her toast crusts for breakfast, pretending, as she is wont to do, that all is happy with the world and that I’m not one big mess of crankypantness.