day 11205: holy news weekend, Batman!!!!

TWO(!!) engagements and one new condo!

Awesomeness to the most extreme...

Congrats to the Sista and her man-toy, congrats to the other cute little couple who shall not be named as yet, and congrats to Posie for finally giving in and putting down roots!!!

Hm, I wonder what else is coming up next... and who else I can live vicariously through... ;)

day 11202: memories of costa rica past

There's a small soda in Punta Banco where the turtlers would sup. Lunch was a casual affair, people coming and going on their own whimsy.

Late one afternoon after a busy morning of beachcombing and tide pool poking, I wandered back to the soda for a bite and some freshly squeezed naranjo juice. The proprietor was in the kitchen cleaning up after the others, and began babbling to me in Spanish.

"Um, no hablo Espanol." I managed to eek out with my extremely limited Spanish.

She babbled at me again.

I don't speak Spanish, I said again.

She gazed at me with a look of utmost patience, raised her voice slightly and said very, very slowly,

"ARROZ. CON. POLLO."

And handed me a plate.

rice with chicken

day 11201: random letters from the abyss

Dear Dudie,

I know you like to talk things out, and I fully understand that some people need to vocalize their thoughts in order to solve their problems. However, I'd like to point out the fact that I am not a professional hand holder. I do not get paid to hold your hand. I do not get paid to sit in your office for hours upon end, listening to you trying to figure out what you did wrong.

Come to think of it. We did this a lot last year, and I partially blame you and your need for hand holding as the reason why I barely saw sunlight all last summer. But you were new then, and had the guts to go on vacation at the busiest time of year, so it had to be done.

This year... not so much. Adios amigo.

Regards,

Schmassion

~

Dear Driver of the #11 Bayview bus,

I know it probably frustrates you that you're always travelling, but never actually get anywhere. But you've got a busload of innocent people relying on you and your keen-eyed attention on the road.

So do you really think you should be yabbering away on your cell phone?

All the best,

Schmassion

~

Dear Ma,

I love you.

I love that you love to clean.

I love that you love to clean my room in particular.

But I'd love more if I could come home one day and find things exactly where I left them... because you know, I keep thinking I'm losing my mind, and I keep buying things twice.

Mwa!

"Spoiled brat"

~

Dear YB,

You and your snarky attitude are pissing me off.

ARGH,

Schmassion

~

Dear PC,

Stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp stomp. Right back at you.

L8R H8R,

Schmassion

ps... I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions this afternoon and thought you made a mistake. But honestly, you can't really fault me for it. Everything else you did for me was wrong.

day 11200: i don't know if i should be admitting this...

I think I have a wee crush on House.

Even if he did fake cancer to get high.

day 11199: and so it is... just as you said it would be

Miscellaneous things I learned (or relearned) over the weekend:

~ driving by yourself for hours upon hours upon hours can actually be fun
~ I can sing really, really loudly
~ listening to musicals makes the drive go by much, much faster
~ I do not like pretzels unless it's covered with seasoning
~ sometimes most times, I will just lick off all the seasoning and throw away the pretzel
~ men can talk big, but it takes a strong woman to show them how it's done
~ when someone says the cottage has a spring shower, it doesn't necessarily mean one like in the Irish Springs commercials. It might just be a hose at the back of the cottage
~ I can shower at almost the speed of light
~ one person's "refreshing" is another's "brrrrrr.... freezing..."
~ cottage trips where you do nothing but eat and play boardgames are fun
~ cottaging on your own private island is really fun
~ being stuck on the island because it's thunderstorming is not so fun
~ the dog really is a city dog
~ I need to simplify my life and maybe go hide out on an island some more

day 11196: nothing left to say except... it's peanut butter jelly time

Damn m&m's and my addictive personality.

Must stop. Dammit.

One more...

now...

one more...

argh...

day 11195: on those days where everyone is being a wee bit $hithead-ish

All I have to do is repeat to myself:

2 days until Île Lamothe...
44 days until surf camp in Costa Rica...
146 days until Bahamas...

YEAH, BABY!

day 11194: serenity now... serenity now! (PC tales part deux)

schmassion: *looking for my zen moment*

QWW: my zen moment has been violated.

schmassion: *happy place, happy place*

QWW: raped and plundered

day 11187: monkeyco

I made someone cry today.

Serves her right for leaving every day at 5:00 sharp and not doing the stuff I asked her to do. Damn punchclockers. Argh.

day 11186: it kicked my ass, so i kicked its ass, and then my ass got kicked again

Nothing is as easy as it seems anymore. The climbs are sandbagged, super reachy and require a whole lot of strength, but very little finesse. A 5.10a is a no-feet, jump start smear to a two handed left sidepull, right reach, right highstep that is insanely crazy for a height-challenged pseudo-climber like me.

I’ve lead 5.11b’s, so a piddly little 5.10a on toprope should be a walk in the park. No such luck. Two weeks ago, the no-feet, jump start smear to the two handed left sidepull kicked my ass. I fell like Spiderman out of webbing fluid, and thunked repeatedly onto the padded mats below. Needless to say, my ego took a heck of a beating and I knew that I’d have to take my revenge on the wall another day.

Which brings us to last night…

The no-feet, jump start smear to a two handed left sidepull, right reach, right highstep was no problem. I muscled my way through it, and finessed the itty bitty left hand two finger crimp, solid left, super-reach to bottom inch of the underside of the jug that gave me just enough grip to match feet, high step… crap…

My right hip gave two pops, I felt something tear in my gluteus maximus (aka bum muscle) and today anything that requires the use of my butt is pure agony. Simple things like sleeping on my side, sitting at my desk, sitting on the toilet, getting up from a seated position, walking in a straight line, and taking my foot off the gas pedal is embarrassingly difficult. Who the heck has ever heard of someone pulling a bum muscle?!

So now I’ve booked a massage, or rump rub, if you will, and hopefully things will be peachy keen on the morrow. Otherwise, I’ll be all bummed out… :(

Oh yeah... and ps... THANK GOD for well padded office chairs that can lean wayyyy back, cuz I'll be working like Superman flying... all morning.

day 11184: finally... closure

All-time favourite Harry Potter quotes:

"Wands are only as powerful as the wizards who use them. Some wizards just like to boast that theirs are bigger and better than other people's."

"NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!"

Thanks J.K. Rowling. You rock.

Now hurry up and read it, people. I need to talk about this.

day 11180: wand envy

QWW: You got plans for the weekend?

schmassion: Harry Potter BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It'd be me and my boy, snuggled up in bed. That's so pathetic. I need a life. Or a drink.

QWW: He's a bit young, isn't he?

schmassion: Meh... he's got that great wand.

QWW: Dirty

day 11178: 2 reasons why i will never get a job as a secretary and am destined for management

1. I keep typing "Polar" as "Police"

2. I keep typing "Pension" as "Penison"

Bonus: I spelt "typing" as "tying" in both #1 AND #2 above.

day 11177: why i hate bridget jones

"I like you just the way you are."

Two movies about 8 little words and I spend the ENTIRE WEEKEND vegetating in front of the tv and reading a hilarious, stereotypical, pro/anti-French novel while gorging myself on leftovers (seriously... ugh) and bon-bons (not seriously... ) instead of heading out rollerblading or doing something remotely physically active or at least something social.

Why? Because I can. And because somewhere out there is a guy who will like me just the way I am... even though at the moment, I'm a thirty-something crabby, jiggly, lazy-ass, anti-social idiot who really would rather spend the better part of the weekend hiding from the world than going out and potentially meeting the man of her dreams.

Maybe next weekend. Ain't life grand?

day 11176: "piyo's water just broke... there is no baby shower today!"

Like Piyo, it seems that baby Kaitlynne will be one step ahead of her peers. Forget making an entrance, she's making her statement... three weeks early! How can there possibly be any more drama than that! Not yet born, and a drama princess already!

Good timing, little one. You saved your Mama an afternoon of sampling baby food and identifying dirty diapers. But you also made her miss the cake that I was planning on surprising her with.

That just means I promise you something more spectacular on your first birthday. And because I love you already, I'll endure all of Monday's ribbing and teasing about my ticking biological clock when I bring the leftover cake to work.


(ps... check out more pics of kaitlynne's ark, cuz I worked damned hard on it, and someone has to see it!)

day 11167: trying to let go

I went to hot yoga today for the first time in a couple years, and hated every single second of it.

I'm so full of hate these days, aren't I.

day 11166: the vicious cycle of not looking good

I'm an emotional eater. When I stress, I eat. When I eat too much, I stress.

When I need to look good for something, I stress. Then I eat. Then I don't look good, and stress even more.

Argh. Damn weddings.

day 11161: my sweet little pain in the neck

The DOG is afraid of weather. It started off with thunderstorms and her shaking and quivering while trying to hide behind the toilet. She was so cute in all her trembling fluffiness, we laughed it off and never really tried to overly placate her… just in case she’d start believing that it was a good thing to hide behind the toilet.

Last night, her phobia got much worse. Perhaps the air smelt of rain and thunderstorms. Perhaps it was the cats yowling and screeching behind the house that spooked her. I was asleep, and had NO FRICKIN CLUE what was going on. My blissful slumber was suddenly (and rudely) interrupted by a sudden weight on my neck, accompanied with the type of heavy breathing that I can only describe as ”sicko sex fiend” (or perhaps ”not tonight honey, do it yourself”).

Needless to say, I freaked and woke up flailing.

Me freaking + DOG freaking =BAD NEWS

DOG, probably sensing my jumpy nerves as well, decided that she really, really, really, really, REALLY needed to be comforted and wanted to get as close to me as possible. TO THE POINT OF TRYING TO GET INTO MY SKIN (slight exaggeration). She wanted to cuddle on the right, then she wanted to be on the left, and finally decided to spend the next hour walking all over my right boob (why always the right??? OUCH!!!!) before settling on my chest with her ass in my face. Did I mention that she was doing the sex fiend pant the entire time?

She didn’t want water, she didn’t want to go for a walk. She didn’t like the breeze from the fan, but got hot when she was out of it. Talk, DOGDAMMIT, talk to me and stop behaving like a freak in the middle of the night!!!!!!! (is that enough exclamation points for you?)

Of course, this morning, when I do wake up from my fitful slumber, she’s as happy as can be, and runs off with the maternal one who feeds her toast crusts for breakfast, pretending, as she is wont to do, that all is happy with the world and that I’m not one big mess of crankypantness.

day 11153: trying to honour my spirit

I should be climbing tonight. But my spirit says to listen to the body if not the mind. The body is tired still from the weekend, and my left hip socket/ass feels out of whack from our amazing Blackouts playoff victory yesterday night. The mind wants to be on a patio somewhere sipping on something that will send the body on a caloric death spiral.

I think I'm going to listen to the spirit. I'm heading home for a run.

day 11152: that's queen b!tch to you

Sista tells me that I complain a lot. I'm starting to agree with her.

*sigh*