Wednesday, September 1

Day: 10135: Miscellaneous ramblings a.k.a. Why I’m going straight to hell…


Yesterday, guys (and girls) were checking me out left, right and centre!!! Whoo hoo!!! Hmmm… could be that the top three buttons of my shirt accidentally popped upon so that I was flashing everyone as I went on my merry way down Yonge Street...

AND, I was almost killed because of it. I think she was jealous of my rack, so she tried to run me over when she made a left turn. Then the next guy followed her without looking and the guy after that… though he saw me, just as he was half a foot away from taking out my head with the side mirror of his SUV. But at least his eyes widened with appreciation when he saw my exposed chest… maybe it was fear more than appreciation… hmmm.

Then… this morning, THREE guys checked me out within 50 paces of my front door. Ok, one was obviously gay (I think he was checking out my dog for his dog), one was a homeless dude, and one was probably thinking “What the heck is her problem” because I was glaring at him for dropping his garbage on the floor… right next to a garbage can..

Makes a girl feel good to be checked out so much, doesn’t it. Oh my, I think it’s going to my head…


I saw a skinny-minny today wearing the most gorgeous outfit of dark brown, tan embroidered capris and these absolutely fabulous looking shoes. Needless to say, she was also blonde, skinny, TALL, and just-my-luck probably incredibly rich to boot… I hate her… I want to be her.

I almost went up to her to ask her where she got those shoes… instead, I took another bite of my Egg Mcmuffin and vowed to learn how to use a treadmill without falling off.


Senses opened Monday morning in the building almost next door to my office… Gosh, golly, darn, gee-whiz, I think I’m in trouble. Melt in your mouth chocolate orange cream domes, rich dark chocolate raspberry hexagons, sparkle cookies… need I say more? I’m salivating at the mere thought of it all… Crème brulee to go, SVP!!!


Sunday afternoon, my mother, grandmother and sister visit. We bump into my new next-door-extremely-friendly neighbours (Dave and Yasmin) at the elevators.

D: Do you all live next door?? Or are you just visiting?
[my place is 480sq ft - there's 4 of us buddy...]
J: No, Just me.
D: Oh, I thought it was your boyfriend who was moving in.
[Pause. Anxious glance at mother and grandmother.]
J: Who? No, just me…
D: You’re boyfriend… the guy with the curly hair?
[Silence. Grandmother is listening intently, sister trying not to break out into outright laughter, mother looks outright furious]
J: …Um…he’s just a friend… um… *cough* helping me move...
D: Oh, I get it.


Maybe I shouldn’t have yelled the fuck word at my mom last night. Maybe I shouldn’t have taken the baseball bat to the mattress. Maybe I shouldn’t have left that footprint in the wall when I tried to kick a hole through it and ended up hurting my foot.

Maybe I shouldn’t want to kill my soon-to-be-ex-stepdad for hurting everyone I know, and causing so much grief, pain, and suffering.

Maybe I shouldn’t have smashed my knee into the freakishly painful metal door because I was walking really, really fast to get out of my parking garage and didn’t manage to turn the door handle properly. Damn, that hurt… I would have laughed, but it really, really hurt.


For lunch, I want a Big Mac, some fries, sushi, BBQ chicken rosti from Marchelinos, ice cream, cookies… wait… maybe that’s gluttony…

Hmmm... get back to you on this one… this may be my only redeeming factor…


I did not want to clean out the townhouse. Ok, not so much because I’m lazy (although maybe partially), but I want to make a point – if he causes so much havoc in our lives and leaves us with the mess of picking up the pieces, then why the hell shouldn’t I leave a mess behind for him. Human decency is only deserved if you have any decency whatsoever. What comes around, goes around…

I do not want to go down to the locker room and pull out that yucky, ugly, STAINED mattress that someone left behind. If I didn't need the space that badly, I would never do it. Maybe I should pour a bottle of bleach over it and set it on fire...

I’m blogging at work and the freaking auditors are in… need I say more?

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