Tuesday, January 17

day 10637: where would i be if it wasn’t for the internet

In a very short 32 days, I’ll be heading to El Potrero Chico, Mexico to do some wicked serious climbing. This trip has been in the works for the past year, and is finally coming together. The gear list is sorted - I know what I have, what I need to buy, what I don’t need (but want to buy). I’ve been eagerly anticipating the trip since we booked the non-refundable plane tickets way back in November (and, of course, have been terrified of injuries ever since). My palms are sweating just thinking about it.

Amongst other things (i.e. scorpions and tarantulas… limestone that rips off your fingerprints… oh my…), Potrero is famous for nice 5.10 multi-pitch routes where climbers “leap frog” up the wall (i.e. climb one pitch, belay your partner while they climb up behind you, climb again, and so on). Nice, I thought. I tried an easy multi-pitch route back in Rumney… 1200 ft how hard can it be… I’ve been training for the past while; I’ll be ready for the challenge.

No problemo, amigo.

But then, someone brought up something that I had never, ever even considered thinking about… not in a hundred million trillion years…

HOW THE HECK DO I GO TO THE BATHROOM HALFWAY UP THE WALL?

The climb will take the majority part of the day. We’ll start early in the morning, and will be lucky if we’re not rappelling down the mountainside in the dark. We won’t hit solid ground until hours after we start out…

Did I mention that we’ll be hanging off the cliff face for most of the day? Anchored into bolts 500 ft off the ground… swaying with the wind… grabbing bites of PowerBars for lunch, and hydrating from our Camelbacks that we’ve taken up with us…

If I was a guy, it’d be easy. But seeing as how I’m not, I can’t just “whip it out” and pee while hanging in midair. I mean, I could always unbuckle the back of my harness, drop trou (while still being anchored into the wall), and with a devil-may-care attitude, just let it rip, but EWWWW. I’d seriously hate to be the person climbing up behind me.

“Don’t look up… whoops… tee hee… sorry, dude... here’s a handy-wipe…”

Seriously. I’m having MAJOR issues with this. I’m a shy pee-r at best. I don’t even like to pee when there’s someone in the stall next to me, but I’ve dealt with THAT lost cause. If you thought camping without “facilities” was bad… this is much, much worse… so bad, that I definitely had second thoughts about going. But those damned non-refundable plane tickets…

Girlfriend of a geek that I am, I turned to the almighty Internet for answers. Some Googlees said not to drink too much water (um… did I mention that we’re going to be in the middle of the desert?). Some said to hold it. One person wrote about the wonders of using this and did you know that there very many dedicated websites teaching girls how to pee standing up?

Ugh. I really don’t think I can do it. Not in a million trillion years unless my bladder really was about to burst.

I know what doesn’t kill me makes me stronger and new experiences are always good for me. But ya know, some experiences in this world, I can really, really, really do without... kind of like the hole-in-the-ground toilets in China... you know the one's I'm talking about...

How’s that for fcukwit drama? Wish me luck.

[ed note: check out this Potrero site… the guy in the back of the pickup truck… look familiar??? hehe]

1 comment:

digital di said...

I choked on my drink when i saw that you had googled "pee standing up". I wish you the best of luck girlfriend... and look forward to reading how you're going to handle the ordeal.

...and WHO IS that geek on the back of the pickup truck?