day 12115: something nice and fluffy on a friday afternoon

... the fridge conversation between the maternal one, uncle t. and myself after the Brat ate a third of a block of butter...

one butt fuck of a shitty year

First the softball to the head. Then the sprained left ankle and dislocated foot bone while walking the dogs... And now the other ankle sprained. I am the frickin queen of klutzs. When I die, they will canonize me and make me the patron saint of klutzs. I deserve it.

RIP, my heart

The last picture taken of my darling Tootsiepop. Good bye Princess-poop-a-lot. You are loved.

day12029: the skinny on being single

Most days the freedom and the lack of responsibility to another person is wonderful and a heck of a lot of fun. But then you realize that it makes you slightly uneasy that everyone else around you is married and popping out babies faster than bunnies in springtime and then you start to wonder (for the briefest of moments) if the matter really is you and not the boys you've gone out with.

day12001: it's always depressing when you hit another thousand

some things I've learned in the past few days:
- I have an incredibly strong right hand that now is crippled from squeezing a piping bag filled with stupidly made royal icing
- melted gummi bears looks like snot
- the business sideof things really sucks
- I'm ready to retire to a country home with a garden to putter in and enough whimsy to lure over the neighbourhood fairies

day11994.5: where are all the cool guys in this city

I cannot believe that I'm talking to a guy who considers himself a foodie but counts Memories of Japan amongst his top three favourite Japanese restaurants. I never considered myself a food snob but c'mon...crappy tapanyaki? Really?
I give up. I'm joining a nunnery.

day 11994: beginning... middle... ...

I've never been good at finishing things that I've started.

day 11990: ugh...

It appears that my pet has adopted a pet of her own. While I was the kid who loved earthworms and carried tic-tac boxes of them to kindergarten, parasitic worms don't really do it for me. Especially not after the recent fish incident.

Tonight we make yet another trip to the pet doctors. If their reception area was anything like the check-in desk at the airport, I'd have my own special elite line and maybe even a private jet.

day 11989: happy birthday, da

Hope the sun is shining wherever you are... haven't heard from you recently. Give me a call, hm?

day 11973: not as cool as you think i am

I’ve lost my cool.

This assumes that I actually was cool once upon a time which is infinitely preferable over never having been cool in the first place.

Little by little, my cool snuck away. All that remains is a not-so-cool girl (am I too old to call myself a girl?) who is trying desperately to cling on to some semblance of coolness. Mission impossible. I really should give up.

First to go was the clothes. Fashion trends were for kids. Black and white scarves in the middle of summer were for idiot tweens who don’t sweat in humidity. Anyway, in declining economic times, there isn’t enough money for a new wardrobe if I can’t find a sugardaddy… one must divert anything and everything to the truly important causes… food and housing. Since the ankle sprain, I’ve been wearing sneakers a lot instead of my flip flops. This morning I realized that wearing them with my business clothes makes me look like Ellen. No wonder I can’t get a second date.

Next to go was the coordination. I fall down a lot. Walk into walls, trip over rocks, sprained ankles, broken toes and torn ass cheeks… that’s classic me. What can I say? Even the homeless guys have started avoiding me when I walk down the street. This morning I took a header in my condo lobby and landed ass up in front of a gaggle of hot banker guys. It wasn’t even a graceful “oops I tripped”… it was a full on splat. What a way to make an impression.

And then there was the last straw… away went the driving skills (which actually scares me the most because I frickin love to drive). I suppose I’ve been walking too much and driving too little in recent months. I’ve started cursing like an asian mother when the idiots on the road ignore my signal light and won’t let me into their lanes. Ai-ya. Ai-ya. Twice in the same day I found myself driving around in circles around loading docks because I entered some do-not-enter areas. Might as well put on the welder’s mask, have both hands on the wheel and leave a signal light blinking… oh wait… I already do…

… except for the welder’s mask… that’s so not cool.

day 11941: shuck u

where: Oyster Boy on Queen W.
how much: $35
what you get: info, oysters & a shucking knife...
worth it: hell yeah!!

Five more days until Cali. Hopefully, I can find some awesome oysters from a fish market somewhere so that Sista, Bro-in-law and I can have a feast! Hm, I wonder if you can shuck (and eat) oysters while at Opera in the park... maybe we'd need to bring a big bunch of wet naps. And lots more oysters for everyone around us.

Awesomeness.

burnt.

need vaca.

now.

day 11892: sharing tears

How does one not share the pain of a family in the vet's office waiting to end the suffering of a dear, dear friend? Despite our recent endless loop of vet appointments, today was the first time I encountered a grieving family. Witnessing someone else's pain is a truly heartwrenching experience. I've been tearing up all day.

I'm afraid that when it comes my turn to make the decision, I won't be able to do it. This might be the one thing that would kill me.

day ?????: what's in an age

Someone mentioned once that it'd be pretty awkward to date someone closer in age to your parents than to you. I think I would probably have to agree with that. Not that I've done it.

But I have considered it...

day 11872: out of the darkness and into the limelight

It's been rather disconcerting to check the statmeter on my business site to discover suddenly that people have been finding me by googling my real name rather than my business name. It's more disconcerting that I have no idea whether these people are actually interested in buying something from me or whether these people are potential dates pre-stalking me.

The stakes are suddenly higher... and I don't like it one bit. Is it ok if I crawl back under the rock from whence I came?

day 11864: a "huh" moment

Interesting... I just called home and I think my mother is drunk. Or super tired. Otherwise, I'm not sure how else to explain why she asked me (multiple times) what I was doing. Because doing nothing a mere 30 seconds ago still means that I'm doing absolutely nothing.

Actually, I just didn't want her to know that I was sitting at home drinking by myself. It's been an odd kind of week.

day 11860: not concussed

Random thought of the day... I'd be extremely disappointed if I went to Ireland and the air did not smell like Irish Spring.

day 11849: uh

Rachel Getting Married is not a happy movie.

Definitely not something to watch when you're feeling down and looking for a pick me up.

day 11845: 524,600 minutes x 5 + 24 hrs for the leap year

This morning, I walked into the monkeyco offices to a cube decorated with balloons and streamers. WTF, I thought, my birthday is in December! It wasn't even my second birthday (March 17) or my third birthday (May 5). Someone in HR must have gotten it wrong... the clowns.

HA.

Joke was on me of course. Bosslady (aka TAB aka QWW) remembered that yesterday was my 5th anniversary with monkeyco and spent the early hours of the morning decorating my cube. She even baked me a cake, which was pretty darn awesome since I baked my last birthday cake. Yes, I have a darn great boss - you should be jealous.

Mired in my own Monday morning misery, I had totally forgotten. It had never even crossed my mind that 5 years had gone by so quickly... (well most days... some days dragged for decades) and while I know I complain a lot and generally pray for days to go by faster, there's a part of me that wishes that life would slow down and stop pulling me along.

5 years is a long time. Some days I wonder if I have anything to show for it except for an expanded waistline from all that cake.

day 11841: new toys and new boys...

So sue me, things have been a little busy... I've done a complete 180 from a non-dater to a super dater. Have met a lot of new people, have had a lot of worlds collide, but alas, no keepers. I bought a new little netbook toy for myself. Still undecided/uncertain about the teeny weeny keyboard, but it's only been a couple of hours of playtime and things seem to be a little more fluid already. Have been trying to figure out how to build a living wall for my condo - unfortunately, my thumb does not appear to be any shade of green whatsoever, so maybe I'll be hacking myself a fakey to pretend.

Oh, and thank goodness for bio-degradable vanilla scented dog poopy bags.