day 11378: zip this

I’ve been trying to be economically conscious these days so I’ve been packing a lunch to eat at my desk at Monkeyco. (Once I’m here my lazy ass doesn’t like to be parted from my comfy cracked faux leather seat.)

Admittedly, I’m not as environmentally conscious as I am economically conscious, so occasionally I’ll stuff my handful of grapes or cookies into a Ziploc bag instead of toting around a skunky old Tupperware container. However, dog-owner that I am, I do save my baggies to use as future poop-and-scoop props.

Except I forgot that living with the maternal one has made me an incredible lazy dog owner who just lets her dog poop all over the front lawn. Now I have a growing collection of slightly used Ziploc bags at my desk that I’m not quite sure what to do with.

Maybe I should post them on Craigslist.

day 11377: why qww and i are friends...

schmassion: i used to have pet earthworms that i carried around in tic tac boxes
QWW: explains a lot
schmassion: like what?
QWW: my sister and i had a hospital
schmassion: what kind of hospital?
QWW: for worms

day 11375: for what it’s worth

It seems like every day there’s another subway delay. This morning, I was 40 minutes late for work. Last week, I was late 3 out of 5 days – all because of things that happened on the subway. Minor fires and typical signal problems led to delays which led to people becoming a little too hot and bothered and everything snowballed when someone with an itchy trigger finger activated the passenger alarm.

This morning’s delay was excessive – even the CGM of the TTC was late for a meeting with the TTC chairman. Mechanical problems started a chain reaction which culminated into a passenger alarm activated on my southbound train. Someone was overcome by the heat and passed out, the entire train was evacuated and paramedics called.

Like everyone else, I bitch and moan about being crammed into a packed subway car with hundreds of other sweaty, anxious people. I hate being pressed up close to people. In an ideal world, my personal space is such that I can stick out both my arms and turn around in a full circle without hitting anyone. I hate more than anything to be late… even if it is for work.

But here’s the thing – no matter how inconvenience you are, you really shouldn’t make light of the situation. It might be funny to you when you call the office to tell them that “another person bit the dust,” or that it was “your typical Monday morning hostage taking,” but to the rest of us who are smashed into the train with you (me, having let 3 trains pass already because it was too full to get on), you sound like an insensitive, selfish ass who doesn’t realize that 5 trains ahead of you, there really is someone still lying on the floor because the paramedics couldn’t get through the crowd and into the train before it pulled out of the station – all because they tried to speed up service.

For what it’s worth though… I do have questions about this morning’s fiasco:

1. To the people standing outside the windows of the car of the fallen guy – why do you continue to watch when you know that the poor guy deserves his privacy?

2. To the TTC logistics people – when you stopped the northbound train and evacuated it to send it southbound, why didn’t you direct the hoards of people standing on the platform to get onto the train so as to clear out some of the congestion?

3. To the TTC logistics people, the paramedics, the police officers – why weren’t you better coordinated so that the paramedics could actually get onto the train to help the guy, instead of pulling away from the station just as they got there?

4. To the CGM and the chairman of the TTC – Can you please take this as a sign that something must change?

day 11368: ah brain, don't fail me now

Little by little, my mind is slowly fading. What once was crisp and clear is now a hazy fuzz of grey. I can't remember things anymore and my once astounding knowledge of useless facts has dwindled down to a mere handful. Either a lot of things have changed in ancient history over the past few years, or I'm completely losing it.

day 11363: the thing about me

Sometimes I wish I lived a much more exciting life. I fantasize about winning the lottery and having the ability to just pick up on a whim and fly to the corners of the globe.

Sometimes I wish I didn't live such an exciting life. I dream about the days that I can curl up with a mug of steaming hot tea, reading a book on a cold winters day.

Sometimes I wish I knew what it is that I really want in life. I wish for a day that I can go to bed at night and whisper to myself, "I am happy" and fall asleep with a smile on my face.

Most of the time, though, I wish I wouldn't walk around muttering to myself. People around me are starting to think that I'm nuts.

day 11360: Uh-Oh...

Do you feel sad or irritable?
YES, PISS OFF. IF I DON'T, WOULD I BE DOING THIS QUESTIONAIRE?

Have you lost interest in activities you once enjoyed?
YES

Have you experienced changes in weight or appetite?
YES

Have you experienced changes in sleeping pattern?
I CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME I SLEPT THROUGH A NIGHT.

Do you experience feelings of guilt?
YES. I'M ASIAN.

Are you unable to concentrate, remember things, or make decisions?
SORRY, CAN YOU REPEAT THE QUESTION?

Have you experienced fatigue or loss of energy?
ZZZZ...

Have you experienced restlessness or decreased activity noticed by others?
YES.

Do you feel hopeless or worthless?
HOPELESS, YES. WORTHLESS, NO.

Have you had thoughts of suicide or death?
DON'T WE ALL?

day 11347: happiness is in finding your inner bahama mama

I couldn't take the endless snow and cold of the Canadianana winter, so QWW, Posie and I hopped onto a jet plane and took off for warmer waters where we spent a backbreaking few days getting things for free and baking ourselves golden in the sun.

Now that I'm back, I can quite freely say - I HATE BEING COLD... I WANT TO MOVE SOMEWHERE WARM AND HOT AND SURROUNDED BY ENDLESS VISTAS OF CLEAR BLUE WATER.

The SAD and the bitterness is back with a vengeance. Someone find me when the sun starts shining again. Ugh.

Happy New Year anyway.

day 11338: still waiting

I'm hiding out at home with the dog because I don't want to be where I should be and I don't know why.

day 11331: if i could only have one wish this holiday season

I wish I could like Christmas again.

day 11329: if you're not preggers, it's a really bad idea to eat as if you were

Dear makers of Peptol-Bismol,

It's bad enough that my stomach decided to choose the night of the Keith Urban concert to try to digest my intestines. But after a night of excruciating discomfort, I woke up this morning, looked in the mirror and found that my tongue had turned black during the night.

Thank goodness my inner geek kicked in before I succumbed to the hypochondriac part of me. Before I googled my symptoms, I had a serious moment where I thought I was dying of internal bleeding and contemplated actually going to the walk-in clinic. I hate going to the doctor almost as much as I hate going to the dentist.

Fortunately, it turns out that Peptol-Bismol has the unfortunate side effect of turning your tongue and your um... crap black, but the box only says they might turn dark. A mistake on your part. Dark, I can deal with... black, not so much.

Could you please change your warning labels?

Sincerely,

The still alive and kicking Schmassion

day 11327: fa-la-la-la-pffft

Wow. I'm going on record to say that it's amazingly difficult to have Canadian food products shipped to the US for the holidays. I thought I had a solution by ordering off Amazon.com, but because everything is made in Canada and the US has these wacky FDA laws, everything would be shipped out separately with individual shipping charges. Which means muchos dineros...

I'm stumped. Darn it Sista, your future-in-laws (and you) need to move to Canada!!

day 11324: caught on film

We did a full blown CSI forensic work-up of the crime scene. The bite marks match. The dog is as guilty as they come.

day 11323: no more the merrier

For the longest time, I was the world's biggest proponant of the more the merrier. Every party, every outing, the more people that showed up the happier everyone was and the more fun there was to be had.

Somewhere along the line people's lives started becoming busier (my life started becoming a lot busier) and more people stopped meaning more fun. It became more work and greater costs and a lot less reciprocation.

So, while I love a lot of people and know a whole lot more, somedays I wonder if it's worth the effort. Today, I'm thinking it's not.

day 11319: cross post because it's the day after my birthday and you have to humour me

I had a lot of fun making this cake and I'm pretty damn happy about the way it turned out. Next time, the body will get a little more shaping, but hey, I was hungover from monkeyco Christmas party and didn't even feel like baking.

Now taking orders.

day 11318: things I know I love

1. my fam
2. my friends
3. the dog
4. good food
5. good drink
6. chilling with 1. and 2. above
7. a cuddly day with 3. above
8. a good story
9. an adventure

Happy birthday to me.

day 11317: ringing in the holiday season with a big ass glass of cheer

Given the fiasco that was last year’s monkeyco holiday party, bringing a date to this year’s party was an absolute must. And because I am LIL MS CLUELESS and hence THE DATELESS WONDER, I figured I’d bring the CHAMPION OF BACKUP DATES, Mr. ICBBQ himself.

We had a fabulous time. We wined, we dined, and then we wined some more. We ate with the dinosaurs and danced with the mummies. The bartender thought I was the entertainment and refused to serve me (BAD MOVE, BUSTER).

Afterwards, we froze our toes off walking in snowdrifts, trying to hail a cab smack dab in the middle of entertainment district on a Saturday night… in the middle of a snowstorm.

Best. Time. Ever.

day 11313: monday, wednesday dread

It begins again. Wednesday night and I'm filled with dread. It's climbing night, or rather, it's supposed to be climbing night. But I haven't felt like going to the gym for the past six months/ year or so. I'm not quite sure why.

I'm not sure I enjoy it anymore. There's too much of a constant pressure to be better. My body doesn't take the strain well. I'm always injured. I can't climb as well or as hard as I used to.

But I think I dread it because it's not a sanctuary for me anymore. Hasn't been since we switched from the old Monday, Thursday schedule. Fcukers.

I'd much rather go home and veg on the couch while eating salty goodies, but then I'll get even fatter and I'll be single forever.

day 11312: it all comes down to the perks

One of the perks here at monkeyco is getting to try new stuff before it hits the market.

One of the non-perks here at monkeyco is that sometimes the new stuff tastes like cough syrup. BLECH!!

day 11311: anti-dentite part 2

I spent the better part of this morning with the left side of my face numb and a lot of latex fingers in my mouth.

Turns out, the hole in my tooth was a lot bigger than I thought and the whole side of my tooth had broken off. According to my new dentist, the cavity was pretty deep and pretty close to the nerve. She didn't say it outright, but suggested that the new cavity was right next an old filling that might have "shifted" to allow mouth dirt to filter in and gnaw away at my pearly whites. Gee thanks, old dentist who kept on telling me that my tooth's "defects" didn't need fixing.

Something else I found out today... despite my many painful prepubescent years spent in braces, my teeth have shifted and chances are that I might need to rebrace over the next couple years. I also grind my teeth a lot and have worn down a lot of the enamel on the teeth on the left side of my mouth, thus, I might need a nightbite retainer thingymajiggy to save me from further wear and tear. She's sending estimates to my insurance company.

I'd like to thank old dentist for telling me these things way back when so that I would have known to opt for the enhanced dental coverage with monkeyco, and not just accept basic coverage(note sarcasm). Oh, and it turns out, I'm not allergic to novocaine after all, so all those years of anesthetic-less drilling were for naught. Thanks for that.

PS. You're fired.

I'd also like to thank biatch receptionist for actually calling me back this afternoon with her surly attitude to inquire about whether my cavity was actually bothering me because if it wasn't bothering me, there was no way the old dentist was going to see me. Not any more, thank you very much.

Guess what, you're fired too.

Oh, and kiwi allergies are related to latex allergies and Brush-Ups are a good thing. I think I like my new dentist.

day 11309: anti-dentite

My dislike of my dentist runs deeper than I care to admit. For twenty years, he has been my family dentist and for the same length of time, Sista and I have had issues with his (and his staff's) condescending attitude and his inability to treat us with the same respect and common courtesy he uses with the parental units and the grandparental unit.

Today's encouter with his office staff had me shaking with rage. During lunch, a misbite onto a whole grain in my 12 grain wheat bread broke off a chunk of my upper left molar, leaving me with a sizable hole in my tooth. Turns out that the cavity I discovered last weekend decided that it couldn't wait for my new benefit plan to kick in Jan 1 and needed to be filled asap.

No problem. Call the dentist. Line was busy. I left a message.

Two hours later the tip of my tongue was raw from poking at the sharp edges of the hole, and I still had not heard from the dentist's office. I called back. They placed me on hold and hung up on me. I called back again.

biatch receptionist: Dr. Y's office.
schmassion: Yes, hello, this is schmassion. I left a message earlier and haven't heard back from your office. Part of my tooth broke off today and I want to see if Dr. Y has time to see me today.
biatch receptionist: No. Dr. Y is fully booked today and is behind. He will not be able to see you.
schmassion: That's fine then. Can you tell me when his first availability is? I have a hole in my tooth that I would like to have filled.
biatch receptionist: Let me check your file... it looks like you were due for a cleaning in May or July.
schmassion: I've been busy.
biatch receptionist: Well, the first space I have available for a cleaning is December 6.
schmassion: Excuse me? December 6th? Don't you have anything earlier?
biatch receptionist: I just told you that the first space I have available for a cleaning is December 6. You will have to make an appointment for December 6.
schmassion: I didn't ask to make an appointment for a cleaning. I asked to make an appointment to have my tooth filled. If need be, I can make a cleaning appointment for another day.
biatch receptionist: You have to wait until December.
schmassion: You don't have any emergency appointments?
biatch receptionist: Is this an emergency?
schmassion: A piece of my tooth broke off today. Yes. I would say that this is an emergency.
biatch receptionist: Then I will have to check with Dr. Y before I can make an appointment.

*5 seconds of silence*

schmassion: Hello? Are you asking Dr. Y?
biatch receptionist: He is very busy, and he is with a patient.
schmassion: That's fine. Please ask him and call me back.
biatch receptionist: He is very busy.
schmassion: I understand. Please ask him and call me back. When can I expect to hear back from you?
biatch receptionist: He is very busy. I will call you next week sometime.
schmassion: Next week sometime? Beginning of the week or end of the week?
biatch receptionist: I don't know.
schmassion: Are you for real?

She was for real. I was livid.

Thus, to Dr. Y and to the biatch receptionist, it's been a wild ride these twenty years, but I'm not willing to accept this treatment from anyone, you especially. I've made an appointment with another dentist for 9:00am Monday morning.

You're fired.