day 11700: toe-may-toe... toe-mah-toe... poe-tay-toe... poe-tah-toe

Last night I dreamt that I was exiled to space as part of a corrupt government scam. Rose Petal calls me a freak. I prefer to say that I have an overactive dream imagination.

Now if only I could harness my powers for good instead of evil...

day 11688: dogspeak

arrrr arrr wror rowr rowr arrrr arf rowr woof!

Translation:
Hi Mommy! Happy Birthday, I made you a present for your birthday! It's a giant stinky turd. Woof!

day 11687: happy birthday to me...

Almost halfway to retirement! YEEHAW!

day 11685: reach out and touch yourself

In an effort to "find" myself and "refocus" my thoughts, my therapist suggested that I write down all my dreams.

If my dreams are to be believed, I'm supposed to be angrily married to Asshat and pregnant with a lot of other people's babies. Oh man... the horror... no more midnight snacking before bed!

day 11684: once upon a time, i did blog about serious things

I'm a little envious of my 20 year old cousin. She knows exactly what she's doing and where she's heading even though she's 12 years younger than I am.

11682: "people who hold signs go on to hold many things"aka...more randomania:

~ The puppy is teething. I'm finding teeth on the floor of my place. Cute little puppy teeth, but really kinda gross when you think about it. Must vacuum this weekend.
~ The day I don't wear black to work, everyone notices.
~ Guys should not use the words "fake and bake" when talking to other guys... especially when they're talking about the other guy's tan.
~ Everybody likes free things... not all free things are good.
~ It's Friday night and I have nothing to do except heading to the indoor dog park. Sweet.

day11681b: revelation on why I repeated told my sister I hated her on day 11679

schmassion: I’m in love!!
bowlergirl: what colour is he?
schmassion: um… pink, I suppose … ???
bowlergirl: the last time you msg’d me that you were in love, it was with a dog! I can’t keep it straight anymore!
schmassion: Oh yeah. This time he’s human.

Really… why do I get the world’s crappiest tenant while Sista gets the world’s hottest tenant? Life isn’t just isn’t fair!

day 11681: did i miss something?

Yesterday, I woke up with the feeling that something awesomely wonderful was going to happen. Nothing happened.

Today I'm disappointed. Sucky.

day 11678: one of the times where I just want to kick them in the balls

I hate cheaters, especially those who try to cheat in a recreational sports league. It’s supposed to be a fun game of dodgeball, but when the other team is trying to maim your team with balls whipped at your heads, there’s only so much you can do to try to reign in your temper.

Fecking pieces of crap. I’m still angry.

day 11677: on speeding through dates

You know… I don’t know why guys aren’t knocking down my door trying to date me. I’m frickin cool. Well, the old me was more frickin cool because new me is just tired from running around all the time. But I’m still frickin cool. So what if I don’t hold my liquor as well as I used to, or that I’m a wee bit more disgruntled and disengaged than I used to be. I’m a heck of a lot more interesting than a couch-sitting, soap-opera-obsessing, brainless dimwit with hair down to her waist and boobs the size of small cantaloupes. And BONUS, I have those too. Sucks to be me, I know. I have it all.

So what is it about speed dating? Eight minutes to introduce yourself. Eight minutes to figure out if you ever want to see that person again and eight minutes to decide if you like someone? WHILE THERE’S AN OPEN BAR?! Are you kidding me? I can’t make decisions when I’m drunk. And I can’t NOT drink when I’m paying $8.89 cents per date which was probably $3.88/date too much considering that I felt like I was dating boring versions of my cousins. The asian part of me had to get my money’s worth.

Where was the chemistry and the lightning bold? WHERE THE HECK WAS INDIVIDUALITY? All look same, all sound same? Nine conversations of almost exactly the same thing – all in finance, IT, business… all like to watch tv, go out to restaurants and watch movies? Sigh. I felt like I was on a job interview talking to headhunters and recruiters… what are your strengths and weaknesses? How would you describe yourself in three words? As something different, people… get a life… tell me an interesting story, tell me what motivates you to get up in the morning… tell me something different!!

Don’t get me wrong. It was fun – a lot more fun than I had expected. Frankly, I wasn’t expecting very much. But apart from the guy who spent 5 minutes (of the 8) trying to convince me that someone in my ancestral history had an affair with a gwei-lo, the guy who complained about someone breaking into his car a few years ago, the unfunny guy who described himself as being witty and humourous and the guy who still saw his parents everyday, they were all ok interesting people. Just no one I was particularly interested in dating.

Then again, I do have am automatic tendency to lump everyone into the friendzone… maybe eight minutes just isn’t enough time for them to get out.

*ding*

day 11666: last wednesday i went speed dating

*ding*

day 11655: so very, very, very tired

I’m burnt out. There. I’ve said it. Between the evil monkeyco, the cakes-that-fall-over, krazy gluing things to myself, Monday night sports league, Tuesday night bowling and the new schmutt, I’m stretched thin to the point of snapping.

My stress level is sky-high and there’s not that much I can do about it. I’ve tried pulling back from my stressors and walking away, but people won’t leave me alone. I’m tired… very tired… and very, very cranky. The only thing I’m really capable of doing is locking my doors, pulling my curtains shut and hiding away from the world.

I’m trying to learn how to say no. So step one… to all those out there who want a favour. No. Step two… to all those out there who want something free… No. Step three… to all those out there who want a bit of my time. No. Step four… to all those who want anything wedding related… hell no… I’m done for the year – come find me next year… maybe.

I’m off to hibernate. Grrr.

day 11632: shellshocked

Things I’ve learned from 6 days with the schmutt (aka Whiskey Boo):

1. I do not speak puppy.
2. Schmutt does not speak people.
3. Black dog on a dark unlit lawn in suburbia = magically disappearing dog.
4. Take all puppy books and throw it out the window.
5. Not everyone watches the same dog training shows.
6. Schmutt is smarter than the Toot.
7. Schmutt may possibly be smarter than me.
8. The Dogs have selective hearing.
9. It doesn’t matter whose toy it actually is. It will always end up with the Toot.
10. Introducing new dog to old dog went better than expected.
11. Things have gone somewhat downhill since then.
12. Going out for 8 walks a day is tiring.
13. Going out for 8 walks a day is the only way to save my carpet.
14. Crate training is a blessing.
15. Schmutt is a people magnet. She especially likes the boys. Me too.

day 11629: is this the magic school bus?

Every morning I pass by a big yellow school bus waiting for commuters to take them to god knows where. Some things never change. The cool kids still sit in the back of the bus with their wide open business pages and the front seats are still occupied by the coke-bottle-glasses-wearing-geeks.

Playground rules rock.

day 11618: sausalito

There's some kind of fishing boat hanging around in the bay below us. The fog in the distance rolled in with the sunrise and seems to have settled in for the day. For a brief moment stillness hangs in the air and I think for a split second that I am all alone and that if I try really hard, I can fly.

day 11609: introducing the new schmutt

Well, I finally broke the news to the maternal one that she was getting another grandfurkid. So, fair game... everyone gets to know that there's a new schmutt on the way.

17 days... and counting.

day ?????: what the hell?

I don't think it's humanly possible for anyone to be more disappointed in themselve than I am at this very moment.

What the hell happened to me this past year? When did I lose control?

day 11590: torn

For those of you who know me, you know that my dog is my life. I love that little ball of white fluff more than anything else in this world and I can honestly say that there have been times where she was the only thing I loved in this world.

She's a fantastic puppy and if I could clone her without her heart condition, I would do it a million times over. She's been the best thing that's ever happened to me and I know that I'm a better person (and a different person) from having her in my life.

It was really hard to hear that our time is limited and that she only has a few years to go. I have a lot of difficulty accepting it and don't like thinking about it or talking about it. I know I'll have to deal with it eventually, but I'm putting it off until another time.

For years, I've wanted to get her a friend. Another puppy that she can relate with and bond with. Something else of her kind for me to baby so that they two of them can sleep intertwined on my bed. But for years, I've listened to everyone else around me telling me how much of a princess she is and how much of an "only-child" she is etc etc. And for years, they were right. We weren't ready to grow our little family.

I've been rethinking things for the past half a year - constantly going over the what-ifs and why-nots in my mind. What if they don't like each other, what if Toot gets too tired playing with the puppy... and while still racked with guilt over the possible negative why-nots, I've come to a conclusion - to be frank, I can't deal with an empty house when Toot goes. The emptiness will kill me.

So guess what, boys and girls... the Toot and I are getting a puppy.

day 11587: my own kitchen nightmare

I dreamt last night that I was competing on Iron Chef in a cook-off against some seasoned pros. Gordon Ramsey was one of the judges and went on and on about amateur chefs and started harshly criticizing my technique when it came to pan frying a piece of fish that refused to cook through. It was just fish, for god’s sake!

Frustrated, I stormed out of Kitchen Stadium and came back a few minutes later with my trump card and his comeuppance… a half melted chocolate popsicle rolled in deep fried pulverized fish skin. Yum.

day11583: double standards

I find myself doing a double take every time I see a middle-aged asian woman standing outside smoking. It looks really out of place to me and I’m not sure why… well, maybe because all my asian chick ancestors are paragons of virtue and have no vices whatsoever. Or maybe they’re just really good at hiding whatever it is that they do.

Just like I do.