day 11746: the last word

I'm starting to doubt my ability to judge peoples' characters. Sometimes I wonder if it really does take me years longer to see the things that others see well ahead of me. So many people - so much time and energy wasted.

day 11740: oh wacky day...

First, the BRAT eats my glasses and I spend an extremely blurry day wearing months old contact lenses that I'd forgot to throw out (i.e. the ONLY pair of contact lenses I had downtown).


Then I spend the day making a gigantic poo, and rushing around trying to get a pair of glasses or contacts so I can see again.

day 11736: nearing the end

I'm sitting here drinking Prosecco from the bottle procrastinating from doing the work I know I have to do. I should be sleeping or at best relaxing to prep myself for yet another full day of complete bah-humbuggery that is only a short, few hours away.

I'm close to ending it. I don't think I can take this anymore.

What a waste of a perfectly good life. I still haven't found what I'm looking for.

day 11735: chain

Back in the day, at elementary school #5, we used to have to go to another classroom and grade the younger kids as they read to us from the Victory Drill (i.e. some strange Christian reading tool where you read as fast as you can for a minute and someone else listens to hear if you're pronouncing the words correctly, thereby ensuring that you move through the ranks of private school semi-literal). My kid could barely read, but the kid in front was a superstar.

I would never had thought of it, except that somehow this morning I started thinking about China, then about my trip to China, then about how Da paid hotel concierge to lend us their bikes so we could ride through the Chinese countryside, then about how we met up with my sister's grade 3 teacher in HK where we gave her a turbobroiler and she bought us some of those old handheld Nintendo beep-beep games and then about the old elementary school #5... and then somehow I started thinking about the Victory Drill and how they thought I was giving the kid low marks because I was being a bully to her, but in reality I could barely hear her, and she really was pronouncing the words incorrectly - which was probably because she was nervous and scared of me, but what the heck.... and why did I waste 10 minutes of my morning thinking and blogging about this in one really long run-on sentence?

day 11734: irony, thoust be my dog's name

Whiskey, aka THE BRAT, is a ball of constant energy. She is cute, she is hyper... she is the typical lab and chews everything under the sun - including the electrical cords. Marley is nothing next to the dog who electrocuted herself and woke up the next morning to try to do it all over again. You'd think she'd learn.

She doesn't. Not really.

She shreds papers, jumps up onto the counter, hides under the bed and eats my booger-filled tissues from the toilet. She likes to put her toys on the counter or the table just to watch them fall off and then runs happily after anything and everything that catches her eye... including the baggie of pot she found buried deep under the snow in front of my building.

She's talented, this one. Definitely a lot more talented than the other one.

day 11721: i resolve not to make any stupid resolutions

2008 kinda blew. Who the heck am I kidding? 2008 really blew. It felt like I was phasing in and out of consciousness and all of a sudden in a blink of an eye, it was over. I hope it’s not always going to be like that, because if it is, I give up. I don’t want to wake up one morning only to find that suddenly I’m old and wrinkled with a thick woman mustache and a lot of saggy things where things shouldn’t be sagging.

There was a lot on my mind this past year while I tried to deal with the problems that plagued me. I burnt out again (seems to be happening more and more frequently) and my old anger management issues started coming out of the woodworks. My patience level whittled away down to below acceptable levels and responding to things in an adult manner became more and more difficult as the days passed.

If only there was one day a year when we could all resort to a kiddie-furniture-throwing temper tantrum, I’d be a much more calm and collected person.

Or maybe people should just stop pissing me off.

day 11700: toe-may-toe... toe-mah-toe... poe-tay-toe... poe-tah-toe

Last night I dreamt that I was exiled to space as part of a corrupt government scam. Rose Petal calls me a freak. I prefer to say that I have an overactive dream imagination.

Now if only I could harness my powers for good instead of evil...

day 11688: dogspeak

arrrr arrr wror rowr rowr arrrr arf rowr woof!

Translation:
Hi Mommy! Happy Birthday, I made you a present for your birthday! It's a giant stinky turd. Woof!

day 11687: happy birthday to me...

Almost halfway to retirement! YEEHAW!

day 11685: reach out and touch yourself

In an effort to "find" myself and "refocus" my thoughts, my therapist suggested that I write down all my dreams.

If my dreams are to be believed, I'm supposed to be angrily married to Asshat and pregnant with a lot of other people's babies. Oh man... the horror... no more midnight snacking before bed!

day 11684: once upon a time, i did blog about serious things

I'm a little envious of my 20 year old cousin. She knows exactly what she's doing and where she's heading even though she's 12 years younger than I am.

11682: "people who hold signs go on to hold many things"aka...more randomania:

~ The puppy is teething. I'm finding teeth on the floor of my place. Cute little puppy teeth, but really kinda gross when you think about it. Must vacuum this weekend.
~ The day I don't wear black to work, everyone notices.
~ Guys should not use the words "fake and bake" when talking to other guys... especially when they're talking about the other guy's tan.
~ Everybody likes free things... not all free things are good.
~ It's Friday night and I have nothing to do except heading to the indoor dog park. Sweet.

day11681b: revelation on why I repeated told my sister I hated her on day 11679

schmassion: I’m in love!!
bowlergirl: what colour is he?
schmassion: um… pink, I suppose … ???
bowlergirl: the last time you msg’d me that you were in love, it was with a dog! I can’t keep it straight anymore!
schmassion: Oh yeah. This time he’s human.

Really… why do I get the world’s crappiest tenant while Sista gets the world’s hottest tenant? Life isn’t just isn’t fair!

day 11681: did i miss something?

Yesterday, I woke up with the feeling that something awesomely wonderful was going to happen. Nothing happened.

Today I'm disappointed. Sucky.

day 11678: one of the times where I just want to kick them in the balls

I hate cheaters, especially those who try to cheat in a recreational sports league. It’s supposed to be a fun game of dodgeball, but when the other team is trying to maim your team with balls whipped at your heads, there’s only so much you can do to try to reign in your temper.

Fecking pieces of crap. I’m still angry.

day 11677: on speeding through dates

You know… I don’t know why guys aren’t knocking down my door trying to date me. I’m frickin cool. Well, the old me was more frickin cool because new me is just tired from running around all the time. But I’m still frickin cool. So what if I don’t hold my liquor as well as I used to, or that I’m a wee bit more disgruntled and disengaged than I used to be. I’m a heck of a lot more interesting than a couch-sitting, soap-opera-obsessing, brainless dimwit with hair down to her waist and boobs the size of small cantaloupes. And BONUS, I have those too. Sucks to be me, I know. I have it all.

So what is it about speed dating? Eight minutes to introduce yourself. Eight minutes to figure out if you ever want to see that person again and eight minutes to decide if you like someone? WHILE THERE’S AN OPEN BAR?! Are you kidding me? I can’t make decisions when I’m drunk. And I can’t NOT drink when I’m paying $8.89 cents per date which was probably $3.88/date too much considering that I felt like I was dating boring versions of my cousins. The asian part of me had to get my money’s worth.

Where was the chemistry and the lightning bold? WHERE THE HECK WAS INDIVIDUALITY? All look same, all sound same? Nine conversations of almost exactly the same thing – all in finance, IT, business… all like to watch tv, go out to restaurants and watch movies? Sigh. I felt like I was on a job interview talking to headhunters and recruiters… what are your strengths and weaknesses? How would you describe yourself in three words? As something different, people… get a life… tell me an interesting story, tell me what motivates you to get up in the morning… tell me something different!!

Don’t get me wrong. It was fun – a lot more fun than I had expected. Frankly, I wasn’t expecting very much. But apart from the guy who spent 5 minutes (of the 8) trying to convince me that someone in my ancestral history had an affair with a gwei-lo, the guy who complained about someone breaking into his car a few years ago, the unfunny guy who described himself as being witty and humourous and the guy who still saw his parents everyday, they were all ok interesting people. Just no one I was particularly interested in dating.

Then again, I do have am automatic tendency to lump everyone into the friendzone… maybe eight minutes just isn’t enough time for them to get out.

*ding*

day 11666: last wednesday i went speed dating

*ding*

day 11655: so very, very, very tired

I’m burnt out. There. I’ve said it. Between the evil monkeyco, the cakes-that-fall-over, krazy gluing things to myself, Monday night sports league, Tuesday night bowling and the new schmutt, I’m stretched thin to the point of snapping.

My stress level is sky-high and there’s not that much I can do about it. I’ve tried pulling back from my stressors and walking away, but people won’t leave me alone. I’m tired… very tired… and very, very cranky. The only thing I’m really capable of doing is locking my doors, pulling my curtains shut and hiding away from the world.

I’m trying to learn how to say no. So step one… to all those out there who want a favour. No. Step two… to all those out there who want something free… No. Step three… to all those out there who want a bit of my time. No. Step four… to all those who want anything wedding related… hell no… I’m done for the year – come find me next year… maybe.

I’m off to hibernate. Grrr.

day 11632: shellshocked

Things I’ve learned from 6 days with the schmutt (aka Whiskey Boo):

1. I do not speak puppy.
2. Schmutt does not speak people.
3. Black dog on a dark unlit lawn in suburbia = magically disappearing dog.
4. Take all puppy books and throw it out the window.
5. Not everyone watches the same dog training shows.
6. Schmutt is smarter than the Toot.
7. Schmutt may possibly be smarter than me.
8. The Dogs have selective hearing.
9. It doesn’t matter whose toy it actually is. It will always end up with the Toot.
10. Introducing new dog to old dog went better than expected.
11. Things have gone somewhat downhill since then.
12. Going out for 8 walks a day is tiring.
13. Going out for 8 walks a day is the only way to save my carpet.
14. Crate training is a blessing.
15. Schmutt is a people magnet. She especially likes the boys. Me too.

day 11629: is this the magic school bus?

Every morning I pass by a big yellow school bus waiting for commuters to take them to god knows where. Some things never change. The cool kids still sit in the back of the bus with their wide open business pages and the front seats are still occupied by the coke-bottle-glasses-wearing-geeks.

Playground rules rock.