Day 9919: When is the RIGHT ...ahem... time?

At the risk of exposing myself as a prude, I have a question. Actually, it's more of an inner debate sparked by a recent lunchtime discussion that I had with some girls from work. It was about *whisper* S-E-X...

I've never had s-e-x. There. I've gone and said it. Yuppers, I am a 27 year old virgin (or at least I think I am... 27, I mean). Maybe I'm revealing too much - my age and my status - all in the same sentence. Man! What the heck am I thinking? Anyway, enough with the procrastination...

I don't think I've ever specifically been told "do not have sex until you get married." Not by my parents, not by my grandparents. Not by aunts...etc.etc. Come to think of it, the only people who even hinted at it were the teachers at the Christian school that I attended for grades 4-6, 8-9... and all they said was that it was bad for my immortal soul and that I was condemned to burn in hell for all eternity if I did "do it" before the "I do." But seeing how I'm religiously agnostic anyway, is there any reason that I should buy into that theory save for an irrational fear of something that I'm not sure I believe in anyway? Crazy isn't it, the impact that teachers have on a person. On the other hand, though, I've never bought into the "well, everyone else is doing it, so it must be okay..." phenomenon either.

Is there even that special person? Does the "one" even exist? ... is marriage just another ploy of some religious or governmental agency to curb mass orgies? Someone once told me that if guys could have multiple orgasms there would never be any wars or conflict... at least not involving men... hmmm... took me a while to understand that one... naive that I am.

Hypothetically, apart from the whole immortal soul issue, when do you know the time is right? I wouldn't want to do anything that I'd regret later (i.e. do guy still expect their wives to be virgins in this day and age?). Why is it that some people can have one night stands and some people require total emotional commitments before they do? From everything that I've read, and everything that I've been told... isn't it just supposed to feel right? Is it supposed to automatically click and then all of a sudden... sure, I'm ready...??? It's a big step. Or is it really? Does society put too much of an emphasis on sex? Perhaps. I'm so confused.

I feel like my entire life this far has been in a bubble. Sheltered from reality. Many of my friends have the same upbringing, have the same values... the same freaking jobs... :o( (damned accountants... hee hee...). I'd never met anyone before who kept track of every time, person and date until I started at this firm. To tell the truth, I'm not sure if I was horrified or bemused... ok, maybe horrified wasn't necessarily the right word, but you know what I mean. It never existed in my world before except for in movies and on television... blah...interesting though... hence the lunchtime conversation...

So...if you have, if you haven't... give a shout out, 'cuz I'd actually like to hear your views on the topic. You don't have to say who you are and you can always mail me or call me... but, it'll be interesting to find out! See yas! Wish me luck in Vegas!

Ps... GO PANTHERS!!!! Damn those uniforms look good! :o)

Day 9918: Amnesia

Friday night a bunch of us went to Una Mas for Amnesia. Picture crowds of people in their late 20's, mid 30's all partying to funky retro music from the 80's and 90's. Drunken boys singing Tiffany's I think we're alone now to each other, drunken girls bopping along to Summer of 69...ahem...left sided dancing and all, it was a good time.

Songs we haven't heard in years. Songs I've never heard of. Songs I think I've heard before but can't quite place because of my childhood immersion into Classical music, thus missing out on most of the 80's...actually, come to think of it, my childhood was wayyy too sheltered - I've missed most of the 80's pop culture phenoms... and most of the 90's... and now I just don't have a clue. Buuuutttt... I like what I like and, well, it's a little too late to do something about my lost childhood.

So, I want to go again. There will be another one February 13 for Valentine's Day. (segway... never did like Valentine's Day. In elementary school, it was a popularity contest... never did get any better after that...) There will be glow necklaces - and you know how much I love glow stuff - different colours for single, attached or just not sure. Lol... too funny... who's in???

Day 9916: Oh, the weather outside is delightful...

Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow!!! It's a glorious day out there boys and girls and I'm stuck in the office with nowhere to go!!! It's a beautiful day in the neighbourhood, a beautiful day in the neighbourhood...oops... sorry... did I start singing out loud again? I've been getting strange looks from strangers all day...

Packing tonight for my trip to Sin City... leaving Friday afternoon for the weekend and returning Monday morning on the redeye. Oy... Monday's going to be harsh isn't it. Too funny! All because Mommy-dearest wants to spend a weekend in Vegas for her birthday. Wow craziness!!!

Gonna work now, so maybe I can get out while it's still light out... let it snow, lt it snow, let it snow!!!!!

Oh, and plus, I had a fantastic weekend... remind me to tell you about it sometime!!!

:)

Day 9912: Closet foodie...

I'm a-slumping. Been in a food slump, a restaurant slump, a yum-yum slump - whatever you want to call it. No desire to eat, no specific food craving... what the hell is wrong with me? It's odd. Face it, it's downright strange. For someone as food motivated as I am, I cannot find anything that tickles my fancy. Except Kraft macaroni and cheese and even that is... ehhhh... whatever. It'll be a while before I give into that minor temptation. I'm already butt heavy as it is, don't need anymore "natural" padding to drag me down on my heelside turns.

I am quite perplexed and even peeved that I'm experiencing this slump. In all rights, going to fancy-schmancy restaurants with great presentations and luscious desserts should whet my appetite and make those little taste buds of mine tingle. Nope. Doesn't do it for me. Dunno why. Dunno how. Just dunno. Not Indian food, not korean, not japanese... definitely not chinese... just dunno...

I used to be a closet foodie. Okay. Maybe not so much closet, so much as an ignoramous foodie. I watched FoodTV, read cookbooks, dreamt of one day owning my own restaurant, tried to replicate every single fancy-schmancy meal that I've ever had...and trust me... there was one phase where fancy-schmancy was a way of life. Ick. Explains a lot. Buttery sauces, steak that melts in your mouth... mmmmm... would salivate at the thought like that that damned Pavlovian dog.

So the other day when I went to Terra North 44, I was still a-slumping. Kept staring at the menu waiting for inspiration to hit, but somehow it didn't. Ended up ordering halibut with buttered spinach, fingerling potatoes, and steamed carrots and green beans with a funky roast pepper salsa on the side. Don't get me wrong. It was good. But it missed the "oomph." Alright, frankly, it missed more than "oomph," including a lighter hand with the salt. But it was a good time, the wine was better than the food, the company better than the wine, and it was just a downright great evening. Dessert was someone elses' banana bread pudding with wisps of caramelized spun sugar - a little too caramelized as the bitterness of the burnt sugar was just a little heavy and overpowering. Serves me right, though for trying to eat the decorative touches. Strange, huh... that even the dessert menu didn't speak to me, I didn't even order my own. If I never have another piece of chocolate in my life again... welllll... maybe I won't finish that sentence while I'm a-slumping.

Tonight I'm going to Boba. Kannan's choice. He's been talking about it for years. Reputably a great Mediterranean-fusion type thing with funky vegetable sushi etc. etc. Seems interesting. Somewhat. Checked out the menu online this morning... still not speaking to me. Well, maybe they'll have some specials or something. So long as it doesn't have Scotch Bonnet peppers in it and doesn't send someone to the ER, I'll go along with it. I'm flexible.

Day 9911: Spontaneity

Ever type a word, then stare at the word, spellcheck the word and still think that the word looks funny?

Spontaneous: 1. Acting from native feeling, proneness, or temperament, without constraint or external force 2. Something I'm learning to be...

Planner. That be me. I compulsively plan every little moment down to the last detail and I stress when things don't go my way. Even moments that I shouldn't be planning, I'm planning. I'm getting better though. I'm learning to be spontaneous.

Last thing someone said to me before I left for France this summer was "Be spontaneous..." So, anal that I am (or was), I planned to be spontaneous. Went through a couple days saying, "Have to be spontaneous. Promised I'd be spontaneous." Most spontaneous thing I did those 16 days - jump on a merry-go-round for a picture and jump off again before the ticket guy saw me. Almost got my arm ripped out of the socket in the process. Whoopee do da!

I've always wanted to be one of those people who always carry their passports with them on the off chance that I'd just get an urge to go hop on a plane to somewhere unknown. No clothes, no toothbrush... just passport, credit cards and whatever junk I happen to have in my knapsack. You only live once, right? And, it's only money. Maybe for a long weekend or something... but what about the dog?

So I have been spontaneous. Or rather, I'm learning to be spontaneous. Labour day weekend, coming back from Deerhurst, we went to the drive-in instead of sitting in traffic. Recently, in the not to distant past, went to Terra North 44 on a whim after a movie... dressed in jeans and a hoodie. Lol. I'm trying... really...

Live life... be spontaneous. I think I need to go a-travelling...

PS. Happy Chinese New Year!!! Kung Hei Fat Choy!!!

Day 9910: oops...whaddaya mean I had a deadline??

I have never been hindered by the desire to fulfill a deadline. Things get done before the deadline usually, but hey, sometimes it just doesn't happen. Especially with birthday or Christmas presents. Actually, this blog goes hand in hand with an earlier entry where I questioned the necessity of buying Christmas presents for the sake of buying a present and not because it is something that the receiver will truly enjoy.

Today, I found the perfect Christmas present for someone. Cost more than I had anticipated, and actually, I was astounded and did a double take when I heard the cost. But it is rather difficult to mess with perfection. Plus... I've had so much fun with it already this afternoon in the office, that darned it... it's just worth the big bucks I spent on it! If I had only seen the tiny little sticker that double digited what I was expecting to spend on it... but darned it... it's worth it!!!

So I've been up to 2 years late on a present before... ultimate procrastinator. Actually bought the present on time, but somehow didn't get around to wrapping and giving the present. Oops... whaddaya mean I had a deadline???

No skating tonight. Head's still a-pounding. Movie instead. Later babes. :)

Day 9909: Jocks vs. Geeks

Yesterday, in my migrainial stupor and inability to sleep in fear of not being able to fall asleep when I was supposed to be sleeping, I actually turned on the television. And *sob*... watched reality tv. I admit it. I sat on the couch, bored to virtual tears, watching Average Joe in Hawaii... of all things. Ok, so really, I was flipping back and forth between that and Meet the Parents and that movie with Steve Martin and his big, big nose. But who really cares since I fell asleep and never saw the end of any of those.

But, I have to admit, Average Joe in Hawaii was actually interesting. Not in the conventional show type of interesting, but interesting in the way it revealed so much about the human psyche and man's insecurity. In case you haven't seen the show, I THINK the general premise is that a bunch of "average" (read some semi-geeky but completely normal) men compete for the tender affections of a gorgeous woman (or something equally as corny) when all of a sudden, in yesterday's episode, a boat-load (literally) of sexy, incredibly good-looking, athletic surfer type dudes (WHOA BABY!!!) show up to compete against the geekoids. You could literally see the "average joe's" confidence shatter. It was actually quite sad and really rather depressing since we all know how applicable that is in real life - the show only made it that much more apparent. It was rather cruel when you think about it. The "geeks" fought so hard when the "jocks" weren't around, but you know, that once the "jocks" are in the picture, no matter how hard the "geeks" fight, there's no way they'll be able to compete physically.

Why, you ask, do I bring this up? Well, it seems we have our own case of Jocks vs. Geeks. My firm has been challenged to a hockey game by one of our clients. Without naming the client, let's just say that they are (or should be) rather athletic since they're a tour operator for a couple of very popular winter sports and are all snow-affecionados to say the least. Great. And we're a bunch of accountants, most of whom can barely skate and if we can skate, we're not coordinated enough to do it while holding a stick and trying to push a tiny piece of rubber along the ice. Luckily, we do have a co-op who's supposedly a crack goalie, a couple of ex. double A players who double as hockey coaches... and of course me (hee hee)... but I have this impending sense of complete, utter disaster. Ick. If anything, when the time comes and we're short players, I'll rope in Triscuit... ex triple A... should even out the teams a bit.

Wish us luck. :)

Day 9908: "I am the favourite past time of all the guys in my office..." ~ someone "special"

Stress is relative. My life compared to some people is very unstressful. But today I have tension headaches or maybe tension migraines. I wonder why.

Tuxedo Sam has met every single member of my family. It was only a matter of time. On Saturday, he met the last two - my mom and Uncle Fred. Car in the ditch, mom almost run over by a 4X4 - it was definitely an interesting night to say the least. But everyone is okay, and well... I'm sure things could be better. I'm just glad things weren't worse.

Off I go to pop more pills. But before I do that... here are my stresses...

1. Money... or rather... no money
2. Blue... hullabaloo about driving back and forth
3. Jay Peak... should I or shouldn't I?
4. Killington... I need confirmation people!!!
5. Why do I need to define things when I'm happy where I am?
6. Job... what job??
7. Close calls suckass
8. Headaches... I hope it's not another 5 weeker.
9. Dumb Colts... why couldn't they make it to the SuperBowl?

Day 9905: Even if you are stupid, you're still beautiful...

I'm wearing my Care Bear shirt today underneath an oversized green sweater that I borrowed from my sister's closet. It has a hole in the sleeve, but I didn't put it there. My shirt has Cheer Bear on it and it says 100% huggable. Today I just feel like a kid. Or dressing like one. At least I don't wear the same T-shirt that I've had since middle school. Ahem...

I have another Care Bear shirt with Grumpy Bear on it. That one says I get grumpy when I haven't had my hug. Hmmm. Maybe I'm just a really huggy type of person these days. Or maybe I'm just regressing back into childhood. Wow. Considering the company I've been keeping, that's not too far a stretch.

I've always loved cartoons. I love drinking chocolate milk through a bendy straw - better yet if it's a crazy straw. Those things rock, but they're so hard to clean out. Oops, the practical side of me is showing through. I love sugar sweet cereal that turns the milk a funky nasty purple grey colour. I still watch children's feel good movies, and yes, they do make me feel better. I sleep with Care Bears, I don't have a Disney or Hello Kitty obsession, and I do have a few stuffed animals, though most of them become property of DAWG eventually. Too funny.

My inner child is shouting out to be heard... I'm even thinking about mascerating an old stuffed animal to make a cute new chalk bag.

Day 9904: Vigilence.

Stepped on the scale this morning and gave myself a heart attack. The holidays have not been good to me. Not at all. Blah. Should have been more careful. Should not have gorged on chocolate. Should not have drowned myself in alcohol. Stupid wasted empty calories. Now I'll have to climb that much harder and sweat that much harder.

Bonus though. If I train with the extra pounds, I'll be that much stronger when I shed off those pounds... and you betcha baby... they are coming off. Whatever way that I need to get it done, I'm gonna do it. I've lived in the dark side for way too long. I've experienced the light side... I like it so much better.

Blah... :o(

Day 9903: In search of the woman within…

I have a purse. Actually, I have very many purses. I have a whole gym bag full of purses. Some strange unknown cosmic reason prompts people to buy me purses as presents. Imagine that. Do they not know that I have emotional attachments to my knapsacks… and that I carry one with me in lieu of a purse, or even a wallet.

Don’t get me wrong. On very rare occasions… or should I say on a very rare occasion (singular)… I have bought a purse. No idea what incited this strange purchase. It’s not like I would have used it anyway. Perhaps a misguided sense of what is appropriate on the first day at a new job where they have no idea that I really, really, really, really like my knapsacks. Or maybe it was an attempt to be more feminine by being able to claim that I once bought a purse. Yeah… doesn’t really work, does it.

Well, yesterday, and the day before, I actually used a purse! Surprise, surprise… J’s turning into a girlie girl. Hmmmm… imagine that. Yuppers! Threw all the contents of my knapsack (sans minidisk and discs) into my purse and off to the client’s I went. Hated every single second that I was carrying that thing, but all in all… it wasn’t so bad. Except that it didn’t sit well on my shoulder over my coat, the straps were stiff and stuck up at strange angles, I couldn’t find my cell phone half the time it went off, and it didn’t fit the bundle of papers that I brought home to work on. Oh, and my change kept getting lost, I couldn’t fit in my Nalgene bottle, couldn’t find my gum after my crazy egg salad with green peppers incident and I swear it ate my money. I really LOVE my purse…

Today I’m back to using my knapsack. sob… I swear I will never leave you again…

PS. I have very many wallets too. But it’s not like I use them either!

Day 9898: Just have to share

Climbed a 5.10b last night. Yay me! Ok. Loads of work today. Too much goofing off. Gotta run!

:)

Day 9897: Justification

Every action, every purchase can be justified. Take new climbing shoes for example. Climbing 5.10's now, so beginner shoe that I had before sucks - thus, since I have my first hole in the shoe, the resoling guy is out of town, I don't want the hole to grow any larger, also forgot my shoes at home the day I went to MEC... therefore NEW SHOES... yay!

New example... I like my beauty sleep. God knows I need it. Typical example of justification:

Triscuit: Wake up...time to hit the slopes!
J: Hffmmmmttt...
Sista: Wake up... time to go...
J: Ppppppfffffffttttt... I have a headache. I need to sleep it off......hhhhhfffffmmmm....zzzzzz....
?: We're leaving without you......
Triscuit, Sista & ???: WAKE UP!!!!!!!
J: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........*snork*.... crap... slept in again...

Day 9896: En français svp

Veuillez excuser mon français. C'est vraiment mauvais. Cependant, pour quelque raison je me sens comme "blogging" en une autre langue aujourd'hui. Peut-être parce que ma soeur "emailing" m'en français pour les couples passés des jours. Ce, et même si je voulais à, là ne serait aucune manière que je pourrais blog dans le Chinois.

Chacun que je sais fait quelque chose de différent. Mon cousin partira pour "Middle Earth" bientôt. Mon autre cousin va à Seattle travailler pour Expedia. Ma soeur est à Dallas et mes amis ont fractionné autour du monde. Et je m'assieds sur mon grand gros âne à la maison. Comment pathétique.

J'ai eu une autre conversation avec un collègue au sujet de la vie. Semble que chacun est indécis au sujet de leurs choix de carrière. Je pense que c'est une maladie qui se répand - l'indécision et l'apathie. J'essaye de m'inquiéter. Vraiment, je . Mais jour dedans, jour dehors, je prie que je serai mis le feu de sorte que je puisse prendre le paquet de séparation et commencer une nouvelle vie quelque part. Malheureusement, cela ne se produira jamais. Et toujours, je ne sais pas quoi faire avec me.

Je vraiment dois obtenir mes fesses outre du divan. Est-ce que tout bruit juste n'améliore pas en français ?

Ps. J'espère que ceci s'est compris.

Day 9895: Mixology 2004

Christmas Eve 2003 my sister and I were involved in a car accident. Nothing serious, mind you - just a little fender bender when the other driver (who happened to be my cousin) forgot to stop. The reason... well, she was laughing too hard about a "small world" story involving none other than Tuxedo Sam. Though the story itself is hilariously funny, I will not be blogging it. If you want to know - you're going to have to ask Mr. BMW, himself.

It got me thinking though. The world of accounting - especially Waterloo grads and whatnot is extremely small. It is becoming more and more difficult to keep different worlds separated. Not that I really want to since everything I organize is "the more the merrier" anyway. But some people do, and it does upset them when worlds start colliding. Actually, the world is becoming an incredibly small place whether we consider accounting, Waterloo, or not. It's easier and easier these days to play six degrees of separation with every new person I meet... in reality, sometimes, it's only two degrees. And that can be kind of scary. Especially when these people do not know about certain "details" of one's life, but they know the other "detail".

If too many people know about your past, it is much harder to build a new life for yourself if that is what you choose. Take for example my old hullabaloo with the dreaded big E&Y. Guaranteed someday, should I run for politics that will come back and bite me on my big fat old wrinkly behind... not that I will run for politics... anytime soon. Memories are never short enough, things come back to haunt you. Actions though perhaps innocent when they were committed become distorted when rehashed and recreated.

T'is a small world afterall... my worlds are colliding. Scary thought.

Day 9894: Will the real person please come forward

No one is as they appear to be.